{February 13, 2012}   Punished

     So I didn’t crash as expected Saturday night. In fact, I seemed to gain more energy. I exercised for two hours yesterday afternoon without taking a breather. Then last night I lost all of my self-control and stuffed my pudgy face with noodles and tomato sauce. Talk about calorie and carb overload. Anyway, I finally crashed around two this morning and slept for a straight, solid ten hours. It was like a coma sleep, I don’t remember falling asleep or having any dreams. Shit, I don’t even remember crawling into bed.

When I finally awoke from my ‘coma sleep’ I felt like I had been hit by a school bus. I still do. My body is punishing me for a destructive day yesterday. Every muscle in my body hurts to the point where even typing is painful. Pretty pathetic. And my belly… oh it definitely hates me this morning. I feel like I gained ten pounds over night, like I should be expecting to give birth any day now. I definitely hurt my already injured shoulder, too.

It’s a vicious cycle. I exercise so I can stay ‘fit’, yet the more I exercise the more I hurt. My body asks for food, yet I give it what it wants and I feel the worse for it. It’s as though I am being punished for doing the right things, but if I continue to do the ‘wrong’ things I feel fine, great in fact. It’s a no-win situation that only throws me into a deeper depression and fuels my raging inner anger. (Hahaha, try saying ‘raging inner anger’ ten times fast.)

I think today is going to be a lazy day for me, despite the fact that I should try to reverse the junk I ate last night with another couple of hours of exercising. I feel like I have failed myself and now I need a little time to bring myself back up out of that dark hole I have plunged into head-first.

Try doing a little less excersise? Maybe you just waaayyy overdid it. I like to go for a jog with my pups and call it a workout sometimes. Then eat lots of protien that make me feel full without packing on the pounds. In fact, my husband just invested in a blender. AMAZING how you can fill yourself up on fruit, yogurt, and ice when you mix it all up and blend it together! 😉

I apologize in advance for giving the mommy lecture but that is definitely not good for you! I say this because I spent about 4 months last year sleeping between 3-5 (6 on a lucky day) hours a night and taking lots of energy drinks. I felt more amazing than I ever have and totally wide awake and alert even when I didn’t drink an energy drink whereas when I slept 7 to 8 hours a night I felt like shit and getting up in the morning was hard. It feels good because you get a serotonin high (you use a lot of that stuff when you sleep, so when you undersleep you get an abundance of it to boost temporary happiness) but when you do it too much other things start malfunctioning. Eventually I became depressed and I kind of blame this phase for how bad my anxiety became.

You’re not going to feel better right away but just for shits and giggles you should try eating a healthy regiment everyday and see if you’re happy with the results in about a week or two. [Take an excess of niacin vitamins too. It’s good for addictions and especially good for depression. Sometimes I take 1500% of the daily recommended value because you can’t overdose on it]

daynakristine’s idea is good too. Smoothies are my cure-all when it’s too early to drink beer 😉

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

et cetera
%d bloggers like this: