So, with all of the dosing I’ve done I should be dozing like a bear in hibernation. But I’m not. So I decided to get out of bed and do something productive. No one was home so I had the house to myself. I created a concoction for microdermabrasion. Let me give you a quick background on what exactly that is: In a professional estheticians office, they would charge you anywhere between $100 and $1500 depending on what results you’re looking for. They freeze your skin and then use special sandpaper and power tools with sanding disks to remove several layers of your skin. The results leave you looking raw and feeling sore for one to two weeks after the procedure. The goal is to remove dead skin cells by removing the top layers of the skin, exposing a new layer of healthy skin. It can also be used to fade scars and age spots.  This method removes the top fifteen-plus layers of skin, which is why the immediate results are not favorable.

Back to my story… I have very sensitive skin and it’s dry most of the time, despite all of the different oils and moisturizers I’ve tried. So… I went into the kitchen and started mixing cooking ingredients, like Parsley Flakes, Basil Leaves, Salt, Baking Soda and cinnamon in a small dish with a little bit of water. I made a paste out of it, applied it to my face and using gentle, circular motions I rubbed the paste all of my face. After it dried, I used hot water and a face cloth to wash it off. Put moisturizer on my face and now it’s as smooth as a baby’s ass 🙂   This method only removes maybe the top ten layers of skin at the most, so your face isn’t red, raw, irritated and sore.

I want to try it a few more times to check for any possible bad reactions, but once I’m confident that it’s 100% safe, I’ll post it up here for you to try 😀

{March 31, 2012}   Anxiety, Stress & Exhaustion…

I have been hit hard by all of them. This last week has put me through the ringer and put my nerves to the test. I survived the week, but now that the weekend is here I need some down-time. It seems like everything has caught up to me. So, I’m looking forward to dosing up and passing out for the day. Let’s hope that the other occupants of the house can be quiet :/

It’s only Saturday but I’m incredibly anxious about my doctor’s appointment on Monday. I’m not looking forward to it. I already feel nauseous and shaky and my hands are sweating. I try not to think about it, but I sort of base my life on my schedule because appointments are all I really have going on for me right now. The way I’m feeling, I may just cancel my doctor’s appointment. Actually, both of them, I have one with my orthopedist on Wednesday, too.

Argh. Time to pass out.

{March 31, 2012}   *~We’re All the Same~*

Let’s take a walk, just the two of us, and have a nice talk
We come from different places, different backgrounds, different races
Let’s chat about all we hold materialistically, our jobs, our money
Let’s talk about the towns we grew up in, a thousand miles apart, so different
People are looking at us together, without a doubt, we make a funny picture
You’re wearing a fancy dress, looking beautiful, while I look like a mess
But if we talk like best friends, share our feelings, we’re not so different in the end
We have similar insecurities, share the same views, face similar difficulties
Reach deep down, you’ll see we’re from the same cloth, we share common ground
We want for the same things, happiness and love, we’re one in the same
Now we’ll go our separate ways, resume our lives, but we’ll never be the same
For we have cast away judgment and now know that we’re no different
When it comes down to it, we’re all the same, with just a slight twist.

I finally got the text message I’ve been waiting for all day: my friend is out of surgery & they think it was a success. She’s doing okay. It’s funny how stress and anxiety can make you so tired! So that’s a relief.

My day seems to keep getting longer and more exhausting by the minute. My mother called around two o’clock this afternoon- she was having difficulty with email and her homeowners insurance. I had to go down there and spend a little over two hours talking to a million different people about her policy. I finally got that straightened out. I got home around five forty-five and not ten minutes later my brother called me to meet him at his shop. So I went running up there where we chatted for a little while and he put an inspection sticker on my truck. Now I’m home and I feel like I haven’t stopped in two weeks and the pain in my body keeps increasing.

{March 30, 2012}   *~Toxic Life~*

Stumbling down a cold, empty street, swaying with each step
I see the image of a young woman in the storefront windows.
I pause to admire her innocent-looking, youthful face.
I think to myself, she would be beautiful if she wore a smile-
If she removed the baseball cap and gave her hair some style.
I continue on my way, putting her out of my mind.
Before long I see the same young woman in another window-
She looks more weary than before, I wonder what her story is?
Shoulders hunched, she looks like she’s blocking a cold wind
A closer look at her face shows that she looks older than she is.

I slowly realize that this woman is following me everywhere I go.
I walk faster, trying to lose her, but I see her in every window.
Then reality hits like a ton of bricks- she is me, I am her.
I crumble under the weight of my burdens, fall to my knees.
My face buried in my hands I wonder how this happened?
I’ve changed into a different person, I don’t recognize my own reflection
I reached deep into my well of strength, stood up tall and straight.
I’ve been barreling through my life like a freight train in the night.
I dump the alcohol, I need to slow down, get my feet back on solid ground.
I need to start living my life, stop racing against precious time.

{March 30, 2012}   “Suck It Up”

That’s pretty much the message I’ve been getting at physical therapy lately. It makes me kind of angry. It’s possible it’s in my head, though. You be the judge. On Wednesday (two days ago), my PT had me doing all new exercises- the majority of them were weight training with some planking mixed in. I have been in a lot of pain since then. This morning I went to PT again and told my PT that I feel like I have regressed three months, I’m hurting and frustrated, and the pain is the worst that it’s been in a long time. So what do they have me do? Everything we did two days ago with five more repetitions for each exercise. My entire body hurts and I’m in so much pain right now that I can barely stand it. Nothing is helping to ease it- ice, heat, Aleve Arthritis, Lidocaine Patches, muscle rub… nothing. So the feeling of being defeated continues to worsen with every passing moment.

As for stress and anxiety levels? They’re also way up there, even more so today than yesterday. My good friend is going in for yet another shoulder operation in about two hours at a hospital that is a little over an hour and a half away from here. This will be her fifth surgery on the same shoulder, but it doesn’t get any easier. Actually it gets harder, because you start thinking of everything that could go wrong, on top of everything that has gone wrong with the other surgeries, and then the fact that the risks increase each time a person goes under anesthesia.

Sleep has been evading me yet again. Unfortunately, lack of sleep, stress and anxiety seem to fuel the pain in my shoulder and back and everywhere else. I have one goal today and it sounds simple: relax. Too bad it’s not that easy.

{March 29, 2012}   I Didn’t Give Up

I went to my Uncle’s service. They did a very good job with it & as always, our Pastor was great.

However, now I’m stuck in a slump. My entire body hurts. I feel disappointed. I’m… depressed. I feel defeated. I want to curl up under my blankets and sleep for a very long time, like weeks, maybe even months. I just don’t want to be around people in general.

I guess it’s beer-thirty.

{March 29, 2012}   *~No Note~*

I said goodbye
to a loved
one today. His
departure was sudden
and no one
will ever understand
why he had
to leave the
way he chose
to go. No
one will ever
be able to
comprehend the torment
this great man
struggled with, the
pain he kept
locked inside of
his heart. It’s
pointless for me
to ask why,
for the only
one with answers
is now gone.
He’s gone to
a better place,
where he can
watch over all
of us that
he left behind.
No longer in
pain, no more
suffering, he’s free.
He’s finally free.

{March 29, 2012}   About to Give Up

My Uncle’s service is today at two o’clock.  Unfortunately, not many of my clothes fit anymore. I have a pair of black slacks with grey pinstripes on them that will have to work. I cannot find a shirt, though. At this point, I’m about ready to give up. Just say I’m sick or something and not go. Selfish, huh? It’s stressing me out so bad and my anxiety level is way up there. I feel sick. I feel like I’m going on stage or something, my clothing has to be perfect- no faded articles, no wrinkles and a proper fit. Not to mention classic. There are no “modern” funerals in my family.

Everything has to be perfect. And I’m far from it, which is unacceptable.

{March 28, 2012}   Look Who’s Talking

I have to laugh at a FaceBook status I just read. It reads:

“Teaching manners is obviously hard work but if you don’t your children will turn out to be douches as adults. So get on that shit! Just b/c you’re a slob doesnt mean the futures of America has to be as these days are not warm and fuzzy….theyll cut ur ass”

Manners? Where is this person’s manners? Does she think she’s “warm and fuzzy”? The sad thing is she’s due to have  her second child in less than six weeks. If these are the “manners” she’s teaching them, then God help the future generations. Or us.

et cetera