{March 30, 2012}   “Suck It Up”

That’s pretty much the message I’ve been getting at physical therapy lately. It makes me kind of angry. It’s possible it’s in my head, though. You be the judge. On Wednesday (two days ago), my PT had me doing all new exercises- the majority of them were weight training with some planking mixed in. I have been in a lot of pain since then. This morning I went to PT again and told my PT that I feel like I have regressed three months, I’m hurting and frustrated, and the pain is the worst that it’s been in a long time. So what do they have me do? Everything we did two days ago with five more repetitions for each exercise. My entire body hurts and I’m in so much pain right now that I can barely stand it. Nothing is helping to ease it- ice, heat, Aleve Arthritis, Lidocaine Patches, muscle rub… nothing. So the feeling of being defeated continues to worsen with every passing moment.

As for stress and anxiety levels? They’re also way up there, even more so today than yesterday. My good friend is going in for yet another shoulder operation in about two hours at a hospital that is a little over an hour and a half away from here. This will be her fifth surgery on the same shoulder, but it doesn’t get any easier. Actually it gets harder, because you start thinking of everything that could go wrong, on top of everything that has gone wrong with the other surgeries, and then the fact that the risks increase each time a person goes under anesthesia.

Sleep has been evading me yet again. Unfortunately, lack of sleep, stress and anxiety seem to fuel the pain in my shoulder and back and everywhere else. I have one goal today and it sounds simple: relax. Too bad it’s not that easy.

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