notokinthehead











This is dead-on for me. No explanation needed, for it's right there.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

All too often we are consumed by the negativity around us and focus on our pain. If we could just remember that it will get better, because it always has a way of looking up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We're not perfect, but by being ourselves and staying true to who we are is as close to perfect that anyone can get.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm really feeling the quotes and sayings about change lately. I'm about to make a huge change myself and I'm praying I don't mess it up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In my mission to change, I'm trying to be a better person and give back to the community.

 

Once I'm able to get myself straightened out, I hope to find this person to share my life with. "All good things come to those who wait".

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Images and quotes borrowed from: A Beautiful Mess Inside ‘s Facebook. Look her up.

 

 

 



I ran around and did a million things yesterday and today. I was a little overwhelmed, but managed to do what I needed to get done. So why do I feel like I haven’t accomplished anything? I’m wound tight tonight. I hope I’m able to find some sleep soon. I feel like I’m going a little out of my head, like someone needs to catch me and ground me before I take to full flight.

One bright part of my day today was going to my brother’s house. He had our niece (my sister’s daughter), who is only five years old. She was rocking out on his professional drum set. I was floored. She’s an amazing kid. Unfortunately, now that my brother has her interested in the drums, she doesn’t really want to continue learning the piano. Whatever makes her happy, though. Like I said, she’s an amazing kid. And my brother is pretty amazing for doing so much for her- teaching her to play drums, paying for dance classes, taking her to see the firetruck he drives… I wish I had an Uncle like him when I was her age.

A friend bought me a coffee mug the other day and I thought I would share it with you all. In case you can’t see it clearly, it reads: “live with intention. walk to the edge. listen hard. practice wellness. play with abandon. laugh. choose with no regret. continue to learn. appreciate your friends. do what you love. live as if this is all there is. ~Mary Anne Radmacher”

 





{April 23, 2012}   The Art Of Being A Slob

It’s amazing how you let everything go when you’re working on a project. In my case, I’m working on a painting. My laundry is piled up, I have half empty coffee mugs all over my room, I haven’t gotten a shower since Saturday and it’s almost dangerous to walk through my room to my desk. There’s stuff scattered all over the floor. Talk about being a slob. The funny thing is, when I’m finished with this painting I’ll be disgusted with myself, but right now I’m consumed by the project and I don’t care about anything. Clean-up is going to be a bitch.

People have trouble understanding me when I’m creating something. I turn my phone off and ignore visitors. I don’t want to be bothered. I’m content. I wonder how many other people have slob-syndrome when working on a project. There’s no way I’m the only one.

 



{April 22, 2012}   *~Too Far Gone~*

She wears a
fake smile, don’t
believe her when
she says she’s
fine.
She’ll laugh at
your jokes, then
sit alone and
cry.
She’s too stubborn
to admit she’s
wrong, too hard
headed to confess
she’s sick of her
life.
She married much
too young, didn’t
get to see
the world, didn’t
know there was
better waiting for
her.
Now she’s lonely
in a marriage
she wished she
never vowed, too
scared of being
single, too proud
to let you see the
hurt.
I tried my
best to help
her see life
through a clear
lens, wiped her
tears, held her
hand, no longer
can I hold her
pain, for you
can’t help someone
who refuses to
change.



{April 19, 2012}   *~The Things I Do~*

The things I do
Out of desperation.
Cry, scream, hit.
Inflict pain on you,
Inflict pain on me.
Become irrational,
Act spoiled.
        
        The things I do
        Out of frustration.
        Lift you up, put you down.
        Tell you I hate you,
        When really I hate me.
        I hate everybody.
        I hate to love you.
        I love to hate you.
        I live to be with you.
        I thrive on your drama,
        Going in vicious cycles.
                
                The things I do
                For your love.
                Praise you, adore you.
                Bend over backward
                For only you.
                Enter your embrace
                Kiss your lips.
                Give you all of me.
                        
                        The things I do
                        When push comes to shove.
                        Fight for my life.
                        Fight for your life.
                        Battle against you,
                        Battle for you,
                        Battle with you.
                                
                                The things I do
                                All add up to you.
                                I want you to be happy,
                                Happy with me.
                                I want to be happy,
                                Happy with you.
                                Ups and downs-
                                Ins and outs,
                                I want to live my life
                                With you by my side.



{April 19, 2012}   Bummer!

I had my psychotherapy session this morning. Unfortunately, my therapist is changing her location (just up the road from where she is now) and her sliding fee scale is now at a minimum of $25.00 per session. I am praying that I get insurance or it will be a huge struggle to see her. This morning we decided to make an appointment for two weeks away with the hope that I can find $25.00 by then. Mentally, I can’t afford not to see her, but financially, I can’t afford to see her. Talk about a rock and a hard place. Even more unfortunate… I won’t go to anyone else. So, I have to find a way to make it work.

With that being said, tonight will be my last hoo-rah at the bar for awhile. I have to save every dime I get. Not going to the bar every night probably won’t be a bad thing. I’m slacking on everything because I’m at the bar, staying out late, sleeping in late and not doing what needs to be done. I have probably two loads of laundry to do, I need to clean my room bad and I’ve been neglecting to take my meds about three days per week. So I really need to get my shit together. I’ve also been putting off making an appointment with my doctor to get my back adjusted and get my injections… and I’m paying for it 😦

Hey, you reap what you sow, right?

On a side note, I’ve been carrying a small piece of Play Doh around with me and using it to squeeze like a stress ball when I feel anxious or stressed out. I think it’s been helping. I would definitely suggest it to others who have anxiety or similar issues.



{April 18, 2012}   *~Two Hearts, One Love~*

Four walls

two hearts

beating a

synchronized

rhythm.

                                            Four walls

                                            two hearts

                                           one flame

                                           warming the

                                           night, no space

                                          in between.

Four walls

two hearts

joined in a

song, a

beautiful duet.

                                              Four walls

                                              two hearts

                                              a million stars

                                              a thousand dreams

                                              a breath-taking

                                              connection.

Four walls

two hearts

one love

two lives

forever…



{April 13, 2012}   Plans: Disrupted.

I had a great day today with my friend. 🙂

Unfortunately, I did something to my knee. It’s the size of a basketball. No lie. I was standing still, I shifted my weight from my left leg to my right leg, resulting in a very audible and painful snapping sound. Man… it hurts.

Another side note… I got my hours cut in half for tomorrow. Seven hours won’t pay to register my truck, even if I were being paid fifteen dollars per hour 😦   So the stress builds a little more and the struggles get a little harder. Hopefully it will all work out. Preferably before the end of this month.

I went out to the bar for karaoke last night (I DON’T sing) and had a lot of fun. I wish guys would stop trying to pick me up, though. I just want to sit back, relax, drink a few beers and enjoy the music. NO, I don’t want to dance with you and NO I WON’T take you home with me. Jeez.



That’s rather surprising, considering…

My Babe

I fell asleep around four this morning, only to be awakened at seven forty-five this morning by my cat, Babe, who was opening and slamming closed cupboard doors that are against the other side of my bedroom wall. As soon as she heard me get out of bed, she came running, wanting me to pet her and hold her and go back to bed with her. She usually only opens the cupboard doors when she wants attention when we’re in the same room as her, but ignoring her. This morning was a first. I hope it doesn’t get repeated. Now she’s curled up on my desk next to my laptop… sound asleep. I feel like poking her every five minutes to wake her up. Hahaha.

I am (hopefully) taking today off from doing anything. I’m hurting and I have a busy two days coming up. Tomorrow I’m taking my friend to a distant hospital for her follow-up appointment after her last surgery. I’ll spend about four hours in the car, if not more because it’s Friday and everyone will be headed North for the weekend as we try and make our way back home. And we’ll spend approximately an hour to an hour and a half in the surgeons office.

Now, on Saturday I’m helping another friend out with a charity event. I’ll be ‘working’ it from six in the morning til eight at night. That’s fourteen long hours of dealing with people and being “chatty”. I hope I’m able to do it. I’ll have to stock up on coffee, Ativan and Bayer Back & Body.

I really hope that the way my body is hurting today is not a preview of what it will be like tomorrow or Saturday. That would suck.



et cetera