{May 4, 2012}   What A Loser

I talked to my psychotherapist on the phone this morning. I told her I hadn’t called to reschedule because I broke our “deal”- I stopped taking my meds. I don’t know why, but even though I knew she wouldn’t see me anymore when I stopped taking my meds, it kind of hit me hard actually hearing her say it. At least I knew what was coming, right?

I’m still enjoying being on the rescue squad. We had a three hour meeting/training session last night, and then I left the station and went straight to the bar. I am exhausted this morning… and dying of pain. I had to get up early this morning to see a doctor to relocate my rib and realign my back. I sat in his waiting room for an hour and a half and then the receptionist told me I had to reschedule for next week. I’ve already waited three weeks because he was on vacation! The down-side to living in a small town is there’s literally one doctor for each specialty and even then you have to drive an hour and a half or more for anything serious. We have shit for doctors around here. Ugh.

I always try to end a post on a good note: My brother has told me he is proud of me joining the rescue squad and he’s even been confiding in me about a girl he’s into. I’m ecstatic that I’m becoming close with my brother once again. I don’t know if I mentioned it before, but he’s a firefighter in the same town/department that I just joined. The Chief is thrilled to have a brother/sister team. I really hope that this is good for me. Fingers crossed.

It sounds like you’re getting more ups than downs. Good luck with everything.

Thank you. I’m trying.

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