{October 15, 2012}   Games

My life is like a game of pick-up-stix, played by fucking lunatics. (T.A.T.U.- Show Me Love)

I don’t know what I’m doing. Okay, I do- I’m pulling away from someone who wants to be with me. Why? Maybe because I just don’t understand why someone would want to be with me. Why would someone want to waste their time with me? Ninety-nine percent of the time I wish I could get away from me. I have a habit of running from anyone who wants to get close to me. I do things to turn them away, I ignore them, I’ve even been down-right mean. I guess I feel like I just don’t deserve to have someone. I’m not used to having anyone there. In the past people have turned from me, taken my trust and a little piece of my heart and left me standing alone. So naturally I’m guarded and maybe a little reluctant to give my trust to anyone again.

What does it take to get to a place where I can let someone care for me? What will it take to allow myself to be a little less guarded and let things happen?


It’s rainy and cold and I’m hurting. I didn’t sleep hardly at all last night because of shooting pains in my shoulder. My back aches and to top it all off when I went on a call for a lift assist yesterday I somehow got a small pebble wedged under the skin on my kneecap. I dug the pebble out but my knees all swollen and bruised and hurting. I just feel very discouraged and useless.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. I have an appointment with my psychotherapist and I have to call my doctor because she prescribed Remeron for me. I googled it and apparently Remeron is infamous for causing weight gain (big no-no!!!), anxiety (already have plenty of that) and rapid heartbeat (already tachycardic). I’m definitely not having anything to do with that. If I didn’t know better I’d think everyone is conspiring against me to make me gain weight. I need to lose weight!

My brother recommended I might like this website.

He was totally right. This put up actually made my day.
You can not consider simply how a lot time I had spent for this info!
Thank you!

Howdy! This post could not be written any better!
Reading this post reminds me of my good old room mate!
He always kept talking about this. I will forward this page to him.
Fairly certain he will have a good read. Many thanks for sharing!

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