notokinthehead











{October 23, 2012}   It Was Tense

I saw my Osteopath today. It was tense, to say the least. She continued lecturing me about my eating habits and insists that I continue to keep a food journal and give it to her when I see her again in two weeks. That I can let go in one ear and out the other and do what she asks for the sake of my back. However… when I went to check out I noticed in large letters on the bottom of the check-out sheet she gave me: #1. Major Depressive, #2. Anorexia. There was an explosion in my head. I felt like I’d been talking to a wall when I spoke to her. I felt like she didn’t listen to anything I said, and instead just made her own assumptions. I feel kind of bullied. Being bullied is not going to make me change who I am, in fact I know myself well enough to know that it will just make me rebel.

I ended up calling my therapist because I was so bothered. She’s probably right, I shouldn’t dwell on it and I should really try not let it bother me so much. I’ll see my therapist on Friday again and she said she’ll have me sign a release so she can call and speak with my Osteopath. Hopefully, she can convince my Osteopath that we’re working on whatever problem she seems to think I have and my Osteopath can go back to helping me with my back, and only my back.

I was so upset about my appointment with my Osteopath that I came home and crawled into bed. I stayed there for six and a half hours, dozing on and off. I’m still exhausted, but I think it’s more emotional than anything.

I did have a chat online with Adam tonight. Here’s how it went:

ADAM: do you enjoy spending time with me?

ME: Yeah, I like hanging out with you.

ADAM: do you want to see another movie with me?

ME: I would like to see another movie with you. As a friend. I’m not ready for a relationship & I don’t have the time to devote to one.

ADAM: i understand completely. i just wanted to make sure that i’m not being a bother. to you. so from now on we’ll leave movies up to that day so we can’t cancel plans if they haven’t been made 🙂

(His grammar sucks, I know) That went much better than I expected. I’m too accustomed to guys wanting it all or nothing at all. I can tell that he’s still hoping for more, but I don’t think that’s my problem. I drew the boundary and that’s all I can do.



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