notokinthehead











{November 29, 2012}   Exciting Weekend Ahead!!!

It’s snowing!!! It wasn’t much fun playing on the firetrucks at training tonight with the snow and wind, but I survived.

This coming weekend will be very exciting. We are having our annual family Christmas party on Sunday and about an hour into it my brother and I are going to be paged to the Fire Department. We will meet up with a few others and then parade back to my house in the ambulance and two of the engines. Our Chief is going to summon my brother’s girlfriend outside to the waiting apparatus and my brother is going to step out of the engine, go down on one knee and ask his girlfriend to marry him!!! I received the engagement ring via UPS just this evening. It’s really going to be amazing.

As for myself… I just got a truck load of crap dumped on me by Chief. He’s going on vacation in two weeks and will be gone before our section of the Annual Town Report is finished, so he’s leaving it up to me. There’s so much that has to be done before the report can be finished. I will be spending a huge portion of the next couple of weeks at the station on the computer. I don’t feel up to all of these responsibilities but how can I say no? My future career depends on what I can do for the Chief now and how well I do it. He’s put a lot of faith in me and given me many more opportunities than he has my fellow fire fighters and EMT’s. I can do it. I will do it. I’m going to do it. I’m trying to convince myself that I’m capable. Let’s hope I am.



{November 27, 2012}   How To… Legally

Great title for a book. Now someone needs to write it and let us know how to do things legally. Like knock some sense into someone, or literally push someone out of your life, without the above being labeled as assault. There has to be a loophole somewhere, right? Well, until then I guess I need to figure out how to be a big girl and use my words. My problem is that I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or make them feel bad about themselves, so I let them use me and hurt me. Then it goes too far, I get in too deep and I can’t find a way out to save my life. I’m already hurt and the angry side of me says to hurt the aggressor worse than they hurt me, but then there’s that little insecure piece of me that says not to burn bridges, to put my big girl panties on and deal with it. Are you following me on this?

Anyway… I need to figure out how to grow a back bone and tell this guy to leave me alone because I’m not interested, nor will I ever be interested, in him and I want to do it in a way that saves both of us face. How to???

Here’s a good “how to?” question: How do you be friends with a guy and stay friends with him, without him wanting more?



{November 26, 2012}   Update On… Nothing

It’s been a few days since I’ve blogged anything, which is unusual. I don’t really have anything to say. I’ve been on a few medical calls but nothing very exciting. Other than the calls I’ve been on I’ve stayed isolated in my room, watching TV or reading. I just don’t have the patience for people right now. And I’m a bit depressed. I haven’t even gone down to the station to do paperwork, which is most certainly pouring out of my box now. I have no interest or motivation, and being in pain constantly makes it difficult to find interest in or motivation to do anything.

One upside is several radio stations are now playing Christmas music. So in closing I will give you my favorite Christmas song, one my Grandmother used to play on eight track for me over and over again when I was a little girl:

(This is Bob Seger’s version… I couldn’t find it by the Trans Siberian Orchestra 😦  )



{November 23, 2012}   The Holidays Are Here

… And I refuse to do any shopping until Christmas Eve.

I can’t believe we didn’t get a single call yesterday. Isn’t some people’s tradition to set their ovens on fire on Thanksgiving? The only real excitement was when my Dad caught himself on fire last night and I got to beat the shit out of him. I can’t be a very good firefighter because I couldn’t stop laughing the entire time I was trying to put the fire out. It was incredibly comical. Don’t worry, no one got hurt.

Today my brother is coming over to hang Christmas lights on the house and later tonight my Dad and I will put up the Christmas tree. My Dad and I do it together every year. I wish my Mother would join us, but she doesn’t really care to get involved with family activities like that. It’s probably better that way, though. Less fighting and screaming. I can imagine how many ornaments would get broken if she were to help. Dad and I always have fun with it. We make White Russians, but instead of milk we put eggnog in it and a little sprinkle of nutmeg. It’s mmm-mmm good.

I’m going to attempt to get a nap in before the fun begins, though. I didn’t sleep well last night and my back is killing me.



{November 22, 2012}   No One Lost An Eye

Thanksgiving dinner today went better than it ever has, I think. No one started any fights (amazing considering how much my brothers and sisters and I all differ from one another), no one got a fork in the eye (very proud of my brothers, this has been a problem in the past) and no one stormed out pissed off. We got through the entire meal with pleasant, though not always appropriate, conversation. I was able to sit in the corner, my favorite place, and no one pointed out my meal. I had a glass of wine and enjoyed listening to everyone. Somewhat. I do admit I got rather annoyed very quickly. I’m just thankful there were no emergency room visits this year. BUT… we still have Christmas to get through.

Hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving!



{November 22, 2012}   Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I hope you all have a great day!

I will be spending the day with my parents and brothers and sisters. It should be interesting, to say the least!



{November 20, 2012}   Trying Day

 

So I found out this evening while at the hospital for a meeting that one of the victims from this mornings fire passed away. He was an elderly gentleman who was in bad shape from smoke inhalation and burns. We saved one and we lost one. I don’t believe I will ever get used to people dying right under my nose, but I won’t give up or “get enough” of trying to help them. For every one lost, there are a hundred who are better because of us in Fire & EMS. With the Holidays coming up we will get more calls. I was going through old run sheets this morning after the fire and the number of attempted and successful suicides triples between November and February. The number of fire calls (fires/CO2) almost quadruples. On Thursday, Thanksgiving, there will be only myself and two others available for calls. Let’s hope everyone stays safe and healthy.

Friendly reminder: check to make sure your smoke detectors and carbon monoxide alarms are working!!!



{November 20, 2012}   Early Morning Fires

My pager went off at about six-forty five this morning. Structure fire in a neighboring town with two occupants entrapped. Okay, now my blood is pounding through my body and I’m flying out the door, half dressed, with the freezing cold temperatures (twenty-seven degrees). When I’m in this mode the temperatures don’t phase me. Neither does the fact that my truck’s windshield and windows are covered in a thick layer of frost. You do what has to be done.

Waking up to this type of severe adrenaline rush results in one thing: total, complete exhaustion when you finally get home. But when you gear up and hop in the trucks and get to a fire and save someone’s life… that’s absolutely priceless. This morning I played very little to no part in the rescue of the victims, but I was there and I got to see it. It’s the most amazing thing to witness. I’m so glad I get to be there and play a part in it, no matter how small my contributions are.

That’s me driving our biggest engine. No problem! 🙂



{November 19, 2012}   *~Cold Sun~*

The heat of

the sun caressing

my skin warms

me through and

through, yet I

still shudder from

the chill in

my soul.

 

The light from

the blazing star

makes me squint,

yet my eyes

stay wide open,

always searching for

something.

 

Contentment and joy

evade me, moving

all about me,

but staying out

of my reach.

I strive to

reach the stars,

but every time

I find myself

hitting the ground

hard.

 

When will I

wake up from

the nightmare I

call life? When

will I feel

God smile down

on me once

again? When will

I be able

to hold my

head up high?

I keep holding

onto hope, like

someone stranded at

sea, but the

closer I look,

the further dry

land is from

me.



{November 19, 2012}   Job Jeopardy

I am in danger of losing my soon-to-be paid position on our Volunteer Fire Department. I have to provide my Chief with medical documentation saying that I can perform all of my duties or I will have to step down. Sounds simple, right? I have to see my doctor in order to get this documentation and they can’t squeeze me in until December eleventh. I’m supposed to have the documentation by December seventh, when my position will become a paid position. I’m not sure what to do, I pleaded with my doctor’s office to squeeze me in for a ten minute visit and they couldn’t. Right now my position at the Fire Department is all I have to keep me going and I will most likely break if I have to give it up. I guess the only thing I can do is tell my Chief exactly how it is and hope that he can work with me on it. He’s a very nice, understanding guy who has health issues of his own, so I hope it will go well.

I’m very stressed out at the moment. It’s hard to keep pushing on when it seems everything is working against me.



et cetera