{December 31, 2012}   A New Year is Upon Us
The ball that was dropped in Times Square, NY in 2009.

The ball that was dropped in Times Square, NY in 2009.

I never understood why people make “New Year’s Resolutions”… how many people actually stick to it? The two most common resolutions I’ve heard are, “I’m going to lose weight!” and “I’m going to quit smoking!”. Mmhmm. Me too. Eventually, maybe. I don’t make resolutions. I tend to dwell on what has to be done in the next year. For example in January I need to find a new truck (hopefully a Chevy Avalanche), remove the carpets from the house and put down wood floors, complete the Fire Department’s Town Report, finish up a bunch of testing and do another inventory of the Fire Departments EMS supplies. I’m sure there’s more, but those are the most important. It’s a little overwhelming, especially for someone who is a total homebody and rarely leaves the house. The very thought of shopping for a vehicle is frightening. I hate salesmen and as far as I’m concerned, there’s no need for them until it comes time to complete the paperwork. The worst part about them, which I discovered when I purchased my last truck, is they try to take advantage of females- they think, “oh, it’s just a woman, they know nothing about cars”. Surprise cocky salesman! I’m a certified mechanic! 😛

So, I have no New Year’s resolution.

I am looking forward to having a good time tonight, though. I’m celebrating with my parents this year, as I usually celebrate these types of occasions with my Auntie, and my brother and his fiance will be here as well as his two best friends, their girlfriends and one of my friends. We’ve got the pool table ready to go (I practiced with my Dad a bit last night and kicked his butt!) and my mother has her karaoke all set up. It should be a good time 🙂

This morning I’m off for some more nerve blocks and trigger point injections. Hopefully these ones work… the last ones didn’t seem to do anything but leave big, dark bruises all over my neck and back.

Happy New Year everyone!

So I finally junked my old clunker of a truck. I got a whopping $250 for it. It was sad to watch it go on the flatbed truck but it was time. When I cleaned it out I found a bunch of loose coins in the center console: pennies: 0.84, nickels: $1.30, dimes: $4.50 and quarters: $23.00 for a total of $29.64. Now I’m beginning to understand why my gas mileage was so terrible!

Now that my beloved truck is long gone I’m looking at new possibilities for a vehicle. Originally I had my heart set on a crossover, like a Chevy Equinox or a Ford Edge. But as I shopped around I started to really like the Chevy Avalanche’s. The comfort and space of an SUV with a truck bed… yeah! But I promised myself, as well as my mechanic, that I will not buy vehicles on impulse anymore, or strictly because I like the way they look (hehe). So I’m going to take my time and check out my options. I’m going to try to hold out until the end of January before buying anything. Let’s see how well that goes!

It’s snowing again (surprise!) and we’ve had vehicles off the roads everywhere. I just got back from an MVA, but I stayed at the station and did my reports while the guys got cold and wet.

{December 28, 2012}   You Found Me

Today I glanced at the full length body mirror as I stepped out of the shower and I cringed. Literally. So naturally I had to take it a step further and weigh myself on the scales. TWO MORE POUNDS ADDED. That makes eight. So I got dressed in my usual jeans, baggy department sweater, work boots and baseball cap pulled low and dragged my ass to Walgreen’s (after cleaning a foot of snow off of the car and snow-blowing a path for it from yesterdays lovely storm). I settled on Lipozene. You’ve probably seen the commercials for it- “clinically proven to reduce weight, 78% of weight loss= pure fat!”. Hmm… I’m desperate enough to try it out. Supposedly you don’t have to change what you eat or add exercise or anything like that. We’ll see! God, I hope it works. Maybe if I lose 20-25 pounds I won’t be in so much pain all of the time. It’s worth a try, right?

Speaking of pain… I’m off to snuggle with my heating pads (yes, that’s plural. They should make body-sized heating pads!).

{December 26, 2012}   Avoiding Social Media

I’ve been avoiding the internet for about a week now. I wanted my Holiday time with my family, uninterrupted by tragic news and drama. I had a wonderful Christmas, as I hope you all did. My favorite part of Christmas morning this year was the look on my Mom & Dad’s faces when they opened the Kindle Fire I got them. It was priceless, their faces lit up like little kids and their eyes were filled with wonder.

Unfortunately as much as I tried to avoid the social media, the local news channels are just as bad. My heart goes out to the families and friends of the two volunteer firefighters who were senselessly murdered while doing their jobs in Webster, NY on Christmas Eve. It was an unbelievable act of evil. I realize that curiosity is human nature but it sickens me how much attention the media has given that terrible man who took their lives. The same goes for the massacre in Newtown, CT. It disgusts me. Let’s remember all of the victims and their families and try to forget the monsters who committed these awful acts.

My Deputy Chief put me back on duty this morning and just in time, too. We’re supposed to be getting one hell of a Nor’ Easter tonight and tomorrow. They’re saying 14″-20″ between tonight and tomorrow afternoon. Experience tells me that we will have people driving off the roads everywhere. It should be fun, cold and miserable. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m just happy to be back on duty!


{December 18, 2012}   I Think, Therefore I Am

Today I feel like I was hit by a bus. I had two nerve blocks and five trigger point injections done yesterday morning and I’m definitely feeling them today! My back is all bruised and looks like I was stung by a hive of bees. God, please let this be worth the outcome!

We were hammered by a snowstorm Sunday night and Monday, then it turned to sleet overnight last night and rain today. It’s still raining but the weatherman is predicting that it will turn over to snow overnight tonight and we could get another five inches out of it. Blah. Then more snow Friday. It looks like it may be a White Christmas (love Elvis Presley).

I have to have my Mother at the hospital at eight tomorrow morning, which means I have to be out of bed by six. She’s having some testing done and then we’re both getting the Pneumonia vaccine. The Pulmonoligist said that the flu or pneumonia will kill my mother. Of course that makes me nervous to just take her to the hospital, of all places, to get the damned vaccines. After that’s all done, I drop my Mother back at home and then I have to boot scoot to make my appointment that’s about an hour and a half away.

Tomorrow is going to be a very long, tiring day. So for now it’s off to bed early.

{December 17, 2012}   Deep Breaths

Initially when we found out about my Mother’s terminal illness we were informed that EVERYTHING was going to change. We were told we’d have to remove all rugs, carpets and curtains/drapes from the house, get rid of the dog, cat and bird, switch from wood burning stoves to oil heat. It sounds selfish but everyone’s world was turned upside down, on top of receiving the news that we’re losing our mother. We spoke with the doctor again today and he said we only need to get rid of the bird and we all need to get flu and pneumonia vaccines. We can keep the dog and cat. We can wait until after Christmas to tear all of the carpets out. We don’t need to do away with the wood stoves.

Of course none of that changes the fact that we are losing our mother to a slow, painful death, but it does bring some comfort to where there was only havoc. My Mother feels much better, too. She felt very guilty and sad about “being the reason” we had to change everything. She felt bad that we would have to find homes for our pets, who are family to all of us, because of her illness. In reality, I would give her my lungs if they could that. What is losing a pet compared to losing a parent? It’s nothing.

I’m still angry.

As for me, I got two nerve blocks and five trigger point injections done today. I’m sore as hell. But I don’t really care. My pain seems so unimportant now.

Tonight my parents called a family meeting. We’ve only had two in my entire life before tonight: to tell us our uncle was shot & killed and to tell us our cousin shot & killed herself.

Tonight my parents informed us (my brothers, sisters and I) that the doctors have given my mother six months to four years to live. I’m devastated. She has terminal emphysema and interstitial lung disease. In short, her lungs both look like Swiss cheese on the CT scans. She’s only fifty-one years old. I’m only twenty-three years old.

I’m angry. I’m so sad. I’m scared.

{December 15, 2012}   *~Silent Break~*

Silent Break

I weep quietly

over something that

was never mine.

I long to

grasp the hand

that I only

held for a

moment in time.

I miss the

sighs that I

should be able

to hear every




green eye tearIt’s amazing how

you captivated my

heart, hypnotized my

mind in such

a short span

of time. I

still think of

you when I

lay awake at

night, my memory

replays our brief

union when I

get in my

car and drive.

I see your

prayingdark brown eyes,

your smile, so

warm and kind.

I feel your

hands pressing against

my back, caressing

so gently, so

lovingly. I hear

your whispers in

my ears, I

taste your soul

in my very

own tears…

{December 15, 2012}   I Take Things Personally















You know someone had to have tried it or why would it even occur to someone that this had to be a warning???

You know someone had to have tried it or why would it even occur to someone that this had to be a warning???

{December 15, 2012}   “The Funny Thing Is…”

EllenI just finished reading Ellen Degeneres’ book, “The Funny Thing Is…”. It was pretty a good read, it gave me a couple of chuckles. I realized while reading this book that the way she writes matches my thought pattern to a T. I’m just so anal about correct grammar that I always make myself “readable”. She writes a thought down and she puts down the entire chain reaction that comes from that one thought, all without a comma, a period or beginning a new paragraph. Obviously, that makes it more funny. I highly recommend that anyone, male or female, “straight” or bisexual or gay, read her books. I’ve read this one and “Seriously… I’m Kidding” and they were both hilarious. The only left for me to read is “My Point… And I do Have One”. Definitely looking forward to it!

Now it’s on to “Pretty in Plaid” by Jen Lancaster. I seem to be in the mood for memoirs lately… hmmm. Well, comical ones. I really don’t want anything depressing right now. Besides, for me the point of reading is to have a way to leave my reality behind and go somewhere else, somewhere I’ve never been, to go on a journey of sorts. I could read all day, every day, if it wasn’t for FaceBook, which is so damned captivating.

et cetera