notokinthehead











{December 13, 2012}   Can I Be Manipulative Enough?

So I need a doctor to write me a note saying I’m cleared, physically & mentally, to continue work on the fire rescue department. None of my doctors are willing to say that I’m physically well enough, they’re all telling me I’m ruining my body by working and not letting it heal and they’d like to see me lift “no more than a gallon of milk… occasionally”. So I need to try to manipulate my new pain care clinic doctor into writing me a note that clears me for my duties. I’m hoping she will be willing to do that when I get the nerve blocks done on Monday. Yes, Monday. My schedule has changed yet again. The dentist’s office called this morning and said they’d rather see me on Wednesday instead of Monday, so I had to go to the pain clinic and ask them to switch my appointment back to Monday, instead of Wednesday.

I saw my psychotherapist this morning, a kind of emergency appointment because I freaked out when my Deputy Chief called me and said I was suspended until I could get a doctors note clearing me for my duties. Anyway… I’m still pissed off, though it did help to be able to vent to her. I haven’t told anyone about my suspension because they’ll be mad… mostly my parents and my brother. And they’ll be mad at me, because I didn’t suck it up and deal with the pain, I had to go get help for it and by doing that, I got suspended from the department. So… it’s my fault.

I’m so angry and sad at the same time. All I want to do is pop some Seroquel every six to eight hours and sleep through it all. I did stop at the library today and grabbed a couple of books, one of them Ellen DeGeneres’ “the funny thing is…”. Hopefully it will lighten up my mood a little bit.



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