notokinthehead











{December 17, 2012}   Deep Breaths

Initially when we found out about my Mother’s terminal illness we were informed that EVERYTHING was going to change. We were told we’d have to remove all rugs, carpets and curtains/drapes from the house, get rid of the dog, cat and bird, switch from wood burning stoves to oil heat. It sounds selfish but everyone’s world was turned upside down, on top of receiving the news that we’re losing our mother. We spoke with the doctor again today and he said we only need to get rid of the bird and we all need to get flu and pneumonia vaccines. We can keep the dog and cat. We can wait until after Christmas to tear all of the carpets out. We don’t need to do away with the wood stoves.

Of course none of that changes the fact that we are losing our mother to a slow, painful death, but it does bring some comfort to where there was only havoc. My Mother feels much better, too. She felt very guilty and sad about “being the reason” we had to change everything. She felt bad that we would have to find homes for our pets, who are family to all of us, because of her illness. In reality, I would give her my lungs if they could that. What is losing a pet compared to losing a parent? It’s nothing.

I’m still angry.

As for me, I got two nerve blocks and five trigger point injections done today. I’m sore as hell. But I don’t really care. My pain seems so unimportant now.



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