{February 28, 2013}   90’s Baby


I’m a true 90’s baby. Today while beating the pulp out of my heavy bag I rocked out to the 90’s music channel. Got a little bit of Real McCoy, Third Eye Blind, The Divinyls, Cece Peniston and Jay Z in. These artists and their songs bring back good memories, from before high school hell. Specifically before all of the new video games and shit started, when it was cool to pop on your WalkMan and walk through the woods or to the Church playground. Man, things were simple back then. I could sit on the swings at the Church playground without another soul in sight and my parents didn’t have to worry about creeps and child abductors. I played outside, internet was something the rich kids had, not me, and even then when I went to the library to use the internet I had to wait ten minutes for the dial up connection. Texting wasn’t even imaginable and my Mom’s cell phone was the size of my work boot.
Funny how things change in just a few years. If only we could go back to the simpler times, even for just a day!

{February 28, 2013}   Asian Food is not for the Weak

Dear Chinese Food,
I love you, I hate you. You taste so good and your Soy Sauce could bring me to my knees. But you leave me with a headache worse than cheap Vodka.

I’ve always had a slight allergy to MSG, which we all know is most famous in Chinese food. It would leave me with a slight headache and a little bit of dizziness but it was worth it. That is not the case anymore. I had some Chinese takeout last night and less than an hour later it was like I got hit with the flu bug. I got a throbbing headache, I was so dizzy I couldn’t stay up right without feeling nauseous and I broke out in cold sweats. Today I still have a headache, though it’s not as bad as it was last night. I tossed and turned all night in misery. I’ve come to a conclusion: Chinese food is not worth it anymore. Good riddance you yummy, evil food.
I have my weekly fire/rescue meeting this evening and I’m hoping my EMS coordinator or Assistant Chief will have some news on how my patient (car collision victim) made out. We called for a bird to fly him to the city hospital but they weren’t flying in the snow storm. I hope our local hospital was able to stabilize him until he could be transferred. Unfortunately we don’t have a hospital within 100 miles that has the capability to handle head injuries.
My shopping plans for tomorrow have been canceled. My friend has to cover for her manager at work. I’m really not that disappointed. While I was excited about it and looking forward to it, my back has been bothering me a lot and I’m not really up for such a long drive. Not to mention she wanted to go to the bar that’s two hours away again and I really don’t feel like being out until 3am again. I think I might just go to my Aunt’s house and have a game night instead. Keep it low key. That’s more my style- calm and laid back.
But for today I’m doing nothing 🙂  Maybe later this afternoon I will hang up my punching bag. God knows I need the exercise. My calm and laid back personality curses my physical shape. I could definitely afford to lose 20 lbs. Or more. But now I’m getting way ahead of myself.

{February 27, 2013}   “Girl”



Found this song/video and had to share it. Great song, super video! Pay close attention and you’ll see Bette & Tina (The L Word)!

{February 27, 2013}   It’s Not Me, It’s Them


{February 27, 2013}   My Best Butch Look

At 7am this morning I finally realized what my best butch look is: bunker gear. There was a head-on collision involving a big box truck and a little Nissan at the end of my road. I was obviously the first on scene. I got my gear on and climbed into the back seat of the car where the most critical patient was. 20 Year old male pinned by his legs by the engine compartment. I held c-spine and awaited the arrival of my fellow firefighters and ems. I stayed with my patient through the 30 minute extrication, keeping him calm, explaining what we were doing to get him out and keeping him engaged in conversation about his one-year-old daughter, girlfriend and job. I covered him with my own body while my partners punched in the windows, cut off the doors and the roof and removed the engine compartment from my patients legs. At some point my thumb got smashed pretty bad, but I was so involved with my patient that I don’t know when or how it happened. We got him out of the wreckage and loaded into the ambulance (two broken femurs, broken arm and head injury) and stood there looking at the car. No one, including myself,knows how I got into the car. The roof was partially caved in and the doors were jammed. 

So my best butch look is me. It’s not really  “look” at all, it’s deeper than that. It’s how you feel when you feel your best. I just happen to feel my best and be happiest when I’m in my fire gear helping people and comforting them. It’s not even abour being gay. It’s about being me!

{February 27, 2013}   What Does It Take?

… to fill that emptiness?
… to express when there are no words?
… to replace ice with fire?
… to show the blind?
… to sing to the deaf?
… to secure the broken?

I dyed my hair again today. From red to brown-black.
What is it going to take for me to get my shit together?
I’ve been staying awake through four in the morning since last Friday. I can’t seem to sleep until it’s time for the sun to come up. By the time I get up for the day, the day is half gone. But then again, there isn’t really any reason for me to get up- I dropped out of everything I had going on.
This evening and tomorrow is supposed to dump over another foot of snow on us. I’m ready for Spring!

{February 26, 2013}   Mad As a Hatter

Mad As a Hatter

Fell in love with this when I saw it on Facebook.

{February 26, 2013}   Butch Look

Okay, so I have never been one to get caught up in appearances or to make statements about myself through my style. What style? Haha. My wardrobe consists of fire/ems shirts, work pants, jeans and a few hoodies. I have one pair each of sneakers, shit kickers and combat (ems) boots. When I went out Friday night I really took notice of my meager selection of clothing. So I have decided that this Friday I am going to take a chunk of my paycheck and go to the city to buy myself some clothes. I’m leaning towards the men’s sections in the department stores. I like the idea of a preppy-ish men’s button up shirt. But can I pull it off? I’m not really concerned about anyone’s reaction to me wearing men’s clothes (I’m going through a fuck-it phase, remember?) I just want to look decent and, most importantly, feel good about myself. I don’t know, maybe I won’t end up buying men’s clothes, but I want to try on all of the different skins until I find the one  I’m happy and comfortable in. Rest assured I will be accompanied by a good, open-minded friend who won’t allow me to walk out of the stores looking like a clown 🙂

For once in my life this tomboy is excited about going shopping. The idea of finding my “look” has got me looking forward to the rest of the week. And of course once I find my “look” I’m going to have to find a place to show it off. Maybe my first gay bar adventure is in the very near future?


{February 24, 2013}   Attention Seeker

While snuggling with Babe today watching the snow fall outside my window my mind took off on a random train of thought: another reason I’d love to be a cat.
When a cat wants attention they’re not at all shy about it. Babe will cry, rub against your legs or arms, and force her way into your lap. There’s no question about what she wants. And she’s at cat, she doesn’t speak English. How many humans do you know that will ask for attention? I don’t know a single one. I do know people who will act out in order to get attention, and I believe that’s a learned behavior that we grasp as young children and many of us never let go of it.
Think about it: how great would it be if we could let ourselves ask for the attention we need and want? “Please hug me, I need to feel safe and secure”, “Please touch my arm, I need to know that you’re here, both body and mind”. That would be pretty amazing.
Man, to be a cat with no self esteem issues and such an incredibly strong personality.Image

{February 23, 2013}   Winter Just Wasn’t My Season

kissesI had fun last night. With the exception of the gay kid we lent a ride to. He ended up getting plastered very quickly and rubbing his ass on my face a good portion of the night. Um, I’m not a dog! I don’t want anyone’s ass on my face. I had four beers, Bud Light of course, and saw a friend I haven’t seen in many months. The drive sucks, though. It’ll be a while before I go there again :/

Note: kissing random chicks at the bar earns you free drinks for the night 😉

Stubby went home last night. I kind of feel bad because they are planning on taking him to a shelter (the reason I took him in the first place) but I can’t risk the health of my Babe to save another cat. Not to mention Stubby sharpened his nails on every piece of furniture and doorway in my house and we couldn’t keep him off the kitchen counter (gross, our food is made there!). He’s a sweet, loving, beautiful cat who shouldn’t have much trouble finding another home. Bonus: He’s a pure-bred Maine Coon- a pricey, popular breed.

My punching bag came in yesterday 🙂  But my gloves aren’t here yet 😦  Patience: not my best quality by a long shot.

Today’s plans: nothing. I’m going to try to keep it that way.

I’ll leave you with the song of the day (a favorite of mine that a friend sang for me last night at karaoke):

et cetera