notokinthehead











{November 3, 2013}   Remembering High School Hell

While sitting at the coffee shop late last night, doing my crossword puzzle, I kept getting distracted by giggles coming from the corner of the shop. The high-pitch giggling was coming from three teenage girls who seemed to be watching videos on one of those outrageously expensive iPhones. I couldn’t help but notice how much it looked like myself sitting there with a few friends in my High School Hell days. The three girls were all considered obese (much like myself and the friends I kept), they hid in a corner of the room (just like me and my friends did) and every time a good looking boy walked in to get a coffee they went all googly-eyed and giggly (just like we used to).

I really got to thinking about my teen years on my drive home. Not so much reminiscing, as I wouldn’t say my high school days were enjoyable, but more like remembering the hell I went through and dealt with on a daily basis. Much of the hell in my own mind. My thoughts came to rest on how I so badly wanted a boyfriend when I was with my friends, but how I was so head-over-heels in love with, 1. My Middle School Principal, 2. My Social Studies teacher, 3. My Algebra teacher and 4. My Algebra II teacher, who were all women. Of course I kept my fantasies to myself. I guess I’ve always known I’m a lesbian but I denied it for many years because it’s just not acceptable around here. I think I wanted a boyfriend so bad for a few reasons: 1. Maybe people would overlook how fat I was because I must be worth something- I have a boyfriend, 2. If I had a boyfriend then I had to love him, so I wouldn’t be so obsessed with my female teachers. Maybe I’d finally be normal? 3. Maybe I wouldn’t be such a social outcast anymore, because like the ‘popular’ girls, I’d also have a boyfriend- therefore I’d finally have something in common with the popular crowd other than my excellent grades.

Needless to say, boyfriend or no boyfriend, I never got “into guys”, though God knows I tried and I’m glad I didn’t. Women are pretty amazing. Looking back to those days makes me realize that I had to go through high school hell to find myself. I’m really glad I went through it back then because I couldn’t even imagine what it would be like to be going through it in my mid-twenties.



Honey says:

I nominated you for a Liebster Award! Check it out! http://honeyimalesbian.wordpress.com/



Thanks, I’m flattered 🙂 However I have more than 200 followers. Congrats on being nominated yourself! 😀



Honey says:

I tried to flesh out you big time bloggers but I guess I failed. lol! Love your blog anyway! MWA!



Honey says:

I couldn’t find how many you had.. Love your blog.



Thank you Honey. I do enjoy reading all of your posts! 🙂



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