{September 7, 2015}   Realization

I’m a full-blown alcoholic. We’re talking an eighteen rack for the day and a half bottle of whiskey on the rocks at night. I’ve managed to disappoint and push away everyone I care about. How are you supposed to get sober when you have no support? Why should I care about getting sober when I have no one left to care for me?
I’ve been going through withdrawals today and it’s been rough. Chills, sweating, muscle cramps, vomiting, diarrhea, heart palpitations, feeling faint… I’ve felt like death and had to work on top of it. In a 120°F kitchen. I ended up having to leave early and I had two cocktails to try to take the edge off. I’m still very sick and of course I cannot sleep.
I’m frustrated to tears.

You are not alone even if you feel like you are. You are likely not far from rooms that can offer the support you need. Help is there if you want it. I hope you find your way!

Thank you, Newcomer. I have found an online support group called Hello Sunday Morning and have found it helpful so far.

Have you been to a doctor for your withdrawals? No joke, that shit can kill you. Please see one. You’ll pull through this, but please get medical help immediately when the withdrawals kick in. Your life is worth something; you’re worth something. Don’t throw it away.

Thank you writemore. I have not been to a doctor. I have discovered that going cold turkey is not going to work. I’m fully intending on cutting back a little until I’m able to see a doctor. The withdrawals were too much for me and I’m well aware that they can be deadly. It’s just a tough situation.

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