{June 12, 2013}   Comfort Zone Vacated

There’s nothing like being dressed like a boy and being dragged into Bath & Body Works and Victoria’s Secret to shop for fragrances. I’m still not sure what the difference is between body spray, perfume and spritz. But that’s how my last day of vacation was spent. I did get a few spray bottles of stink-good (I don’t know what type it is) because I like to mist my pillows with it so it smells good when I go to bed 🙂  It smells like a woman 😀

I can’t say it enough: this past weekend was amazing! Good friends, good food, good music, good times and good-good-goodness I can’t wait to go back!

We went straight to our Brazilian friend’s apartment in Boston Friday, got shit-faced and danced til five in the morning. We got up at ten Saturday morning and I spent the day riding around Boston doing errands with the woman I’ve been crushing on since I was fifteen (AHHH! <in a high-pitch opera voice>). Saturday night she cooked us some Brazilian food (yum!) and we had a few drinks and just talked and laughed until late. Sunday we got up and went to an amusement park all day and had a blast. We left her apartment Monday afternoon around three and drove to my friend’s parents’ apartment in the suburbs where we got Chinese take-out and watched Final Destination 5 in 3D (awesome!). And today (see above, first paragraph) we went to the mall and did a little shopping. We left around six and got home at ten-thirty tonight. I’m ready to turn around and head back already!

Stress free. Care free. I could be myself. I was in an apartment full of lesbians. I danced. I laughed. I talked. I learned a bit of a new language. I touched, I got touched. I ate. I drank. I relaxed. I didn’t care what anyone thought of me because everyone is so fun-loving. I haven’t felt that good in sooo long. ❤

Well it won't be a complete washout.

Well it won’t be a complete washout.

As you all know I’m going to be in Boston for the last weekend of Pride festivities. So is Andrea… Tropical Storm Andrea. She’s supposed to drop in Friday night into Saturday. That’s okay. What I’m really looking forward to is the block party on Sunday. I have a brand new pair of men’s black cargo shorts and a plaid short sleeve shirt to wear to the block party so I can look my best butch, aka- be myself and be comfortable.

I had a pretty awesome dream this morning just before I woke up. I was again seeing my former physical therapist (for physical therapy- this is the therapist I had a little affair with) and she was giving me the best back massage. After the massage she gave me a greeting card that she’d written in. It said: “I love u. I miss u. Please call me sometime soon. I need u.”. After I read the card I looked back up at her and she gave me a big hug and a kiss on the corner of my mouth. Her lips were so hot they felt like they could burn me.

Then I woke up and my face was laying on my heating pad. I may actually have a slight first degree burn on the side of my face. Go ahead, laugh it up.

Today’s song is one that has been stuck in my head. I know I’ve posted it before but it’s too good not to share again. It’s by Rob Thomas and it’s basically asking how you can be content with yourself when there’s so much destruction being wrought on humanity and the world. Rock on:


{June 4, 2013}   It’s Meant to Be!

So I’ve mentioned a few times in my blog that I’m heading to Boston this Friday for however long I wish. Today I found out that there are going to be a lot of Gay Pride events going on while I’m there. It’s like it was meant to be. I’m pretty freaking psyched! If you’re in or around the Boston area definitely check out this link:


I hope someday that this will be me with the love of my life. You go girls!

Al Borland

With the flannel, the hammer and the monkey wrench, minus the beard, we may be twins!

Today this handy butch ripped up a hardwood floor all by herself. I felt kind of like Richard Karn’s character from Home Improvement, Al Borland. Give me a hammer and a crowbar and I can do a lot in no time at all. I also assisted with pouring concrete to build a fireplace. It was a very productive day and my body is screaming two things at me: 1) VALIUM! 2) Why can’t we just be a typical female?  Well, because that would be boring now wouldn’t it? I put the boys to shame when it comes to handiwork and that’s all that matters.


Okay, she doesn't actually TALK to me, but she sends me dire messages.

Okay, she doesn’t actually TALK to me, but she sends me dire messages.

Tomorrow’s plans include doing an oil change on my car before heading to Boston on Friday. These new

vehicles are so finicky, they actually tell you, “Hey! It’s about time you gave me some love. I cart your ass all over God’s creation and I never let you down.” I guess it’s a good thing that I’m a certified mechanic. I feel bad for the women who get screwed when they go to buy a car or have something done to their car. Men can be such assholes and see women as easy prey for financial gain. It’s almost a hobby of mine to let guys think I’m clueless about these things so I can then make them look like an ass. I hope it makes them think twice the next time they try to screw a lady out of money.


{June 1, 2013}   Butch No Like Dress!

I'm on the right (my cousin is on the left). I just noticed how small she makes me look.

Dresses are not my style! I hate wearing dresses. I’ve only worn a dress on three occasions: my high school graduation when I was sixteen, my oldest brother’s wedding when I was eighteen and my youngest brother’s wedding today. I tried very hard to convince my brother to allow me to wear jeans, my fire department shirt and my camouflage hat but he wouldn’t have it. I was green with envy when I saw another butch there dressed in black slacks, boating shoes and a nice plaid button-up shirt. If I had to wear a dress, though, it was going to be a “proud” one. Like my rainbow colors?
My brother is now married with a bun in the oven. Where does the time go?!

{April 8, 2013}   Humanity Is Sickening

I usually shelter myself from all of the cruelty humans inflict upon each other. I don’t watch the news and I don’t listen to reports on the radio. However, I do have a FaceBook account and terrifying news and stories are abound on the social media sites. I just read an article and I feel a little sick to my stomach now. Check it out:

The worst of all of these, in my opinion, is Urban Outfitters- “We’re not homophobic, we make clothes specifically designed for homosexuals… and then use their money to fight against their rights.” So basically they use us to finance their anti-gay campaigns. How sick is that?

And how about that Salvation Army official that said he believes homosexuals should be put to death? It’s entirely possible that if you checked his genealogy you’d find he’s a descendent of that psychopathic sadist Hitler. I’m not one to bash on the President of the United States but I have to wonder if he purposely sought out the votes of homosexuals and African Americans so he could just continue us down the path of destruction we’ve been on for the past five plus years? I don’t recall him being super supportive of gay rights during his first campaign for Presidency… but like I said before, I don’t really follow the news.

On a semi-related note, I found an interesting website. I don’t know about anyone else, but I know I feel a little uncomfortable when I go to see a physician (GYN, Therapist, Chiropractor) and they go on and on about their husband/boyfriend and then ask about mine. A lot of people assume that others are ‘straight’ and I run into that a lot, despite my obvious butch look. So I stumbled across this website where you can find LGBTQ healthcare providers and more. It’s worth a gander:



I did a new painting. Nothing special. I still have to trim the edges. It’s a start, though. I haven’t painted anything other than walls since before Halloween last year. Not gonna lie- it feels good to create something from nothing again. I usually paint just female gay pride stuff, but I may branch out and include the guys next time, too. We’ll see.
Once I get my room finished I want to frame all of my paintings and hang them on one wall, museum-style. Once again, we’ll see. It’ll be awhile yet before my room gets finished.

{March 12, 2013}   Today’s Garb

Another new shirt. It’s white, black, blue, gray and yellow. It’s super comfy in the way that it’s so light, it feels like I’m almost naked. It’s also very obviously a boy’s shirt. I asked my Mother what she thought of it and, with a twisted face, she said it looked nice.


Physical Therapy was super painful today. Too much of her touching my painful spots and aggravating already very angry muscle spasms. My favorite part is when she sits behind me and, using the entire surface if her hands, gently pushes against the spasming muscles. It’s calming. You could probably dig deeper and say I like any positive touching because I have very little to no human contact that isn’t negative or me helping someone else. I think positive human contact is important to have. Sometimes getting that is next to impossible.

{March 7, 2013}   Boys Have The Best Clothes

There is definitely a plaid pattern going on in my wardrobe now. This shirt is from the boy’s section in TJMAXX. Being it’s freezing cold and snowy out-and I have an appointment to go to- I put a navy blue long John shirt under it.

I haven’t seen my psychotherapist in about a month now. This should be interesting… wonder if she’ll give me shit for my hand? Check out the new half cast and awesome buddy taping of my two fingers.


So I have flannel shirts that I’ve had for a long time. A baby blue/white one, a pink/white one, and a brown/white one. But yesterday my friend had me try on a green/black/white one and it looked good. I’ve never been a big fan of the color green on myself. But damn! I like it. I’m wearing it today as a way of easing myself into wearing the others around family. I feel like it’s not fair for me to just all of a sudden change my entire look. That, or I don’t want to listen to their shocked, degrading complaints. Nice & easy does it.
I’m a little bit surprised at how comfortable I am with my new look. And I’m very grateful to have such an awesome, understanding friend who was more excited about getting me a new wardrobe than I was. She’s pretty awesome 🙂

After the snowmobile rescue yesterday my hand is really hurting. And my body, for that matter. It was a difficult rescue for people who weren’t injured. I’m overflowing with pride for sucking it up and doing what had to be done, despite my own troubles. However, my hand is once again deformed. I can’t wait to get back to boxing!

{March 4, 2013}   Shopping= Success!

I went shopping for clothes… finally. It was a success! I got a couple of men’s (okay, boys) plaid button up shirts, both long and short sleeved. I also got a couple boyish t-shirts and a pink camouflage button up. All said and done, I’m pleased with my purchases today. I now have more of a selection to wear, instead of only my fire department shirts. Now I have to find somewhere to try out my new look.
I feel like I’m finally coming into myself, finding the me that’s been kept under cover. I’m excited for what is to come 🙂
I’m going on 35 hours of no sleep. Time to catch up on some shut eye. Besides, isn’t sleep supposed to promote healing?

et cetera