notokinthehead











I was quite ill Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I’m feeling better this morning. I think I will take today “off” to enjoy feeling better. I think it was a mix of exhaustion and finding out about my Uncle’s tragic death & my Aunt’s cancer. That’s the second suicide death in my family in the last two years. Of course there’s always the guilt of “what if I had visited them more often, what if I had been there, what if I had paid closer attention, did I miss the signs, could I have done something to stop them, etc…”. I guess when it comes down to it all of the “what ifs” doesn’t change the situation. It won’t bring them back. Obviously they were hurting beyond our knowledge and were unable to seek help. I just have to believe that they are in a better place, a happier place and free of their torment.

Unfortunately, my Aunt has not found that happier, pain-free place yet. She is suffering a great deal. Our own selfishness wants her to hang on, to stay longer, but as terrible as it sounds, I’m ready for her to leave. She is in so much pain & so physically ill. She is miserable. I can’t imagine spending the last days of my life in that condition. I don’t want her suffering anymore. She would turn one-hundred on September ninth. She’s ready to go and I think we need to let her.

I am so depressing today, huh? I apologize. I guess death and illness will bring you down quickly. Too bad we can’t recover as quickly.

Okay, so after all of the bad news and depressing rambling I feel I should give you some good news. I emailed a few of my poems to my mother and I was shocked when I woke up this morning to a reply from her. I was even more shocked at what she had to say. Here it is:

“You are not alone. Many brilliant writers have said they don’t know for sure where their inspiration starts or comes from for the priceless, phenomenal poems and stories.
Love You Sweetstuff.          [ your writing always leaves me awestruck and speechless, and these 3 are – – – – – – Phenomenal  the only word I can think of to describe them.”

 

“Sweetstuff” is a nickname my Dad gave me when I was just a baby. It stuck. Haha. Kind of embarrassing. Three of us children have nicknames. My sister, “M”- Blabber Baby. My brother, “R”- Sweetie Pie. And me, Sweetstuff. Haha. Those were the days, when we were like a family. I kind of miss when I was little, the youngest of six children in the house. There was never a dull moment, yet you could feel the love like static in the air.



et cetera