{August 6, 2013}   ~*Love Letter*~

Love Letter

{July 1, 2013}   *~You Make Me Stupid~*

You Make Me Stupid

{June 24, 2013}   Perfect Song

For that someone I’ve “Got A Thing For…”



{June 18, 2013}   Is It Love? Or Is It Lust?

I feel like a little school girl because the girl from Boston and I have been flirting via text messaging nonstop since I left her in Boston a week ago yesterday. It’s totally wrong, I know, I just don’t care. Her girlfriend is a (an possessive) bitch. Besides, it makes me feel good about myself. At the same time it makes me feel uncomfortable, like the annoying harness on a roller-coaster. I’m excited for the ride, it’s fun, but I’m prepared for it to end because you just can’t stay on the roller-coaster.

You follow me? If not, here’s a song by Jem that explains all the feelings I’m feeling right now:

{March 16, 2013}   Out Of Control

It was a rough morning, but it could have been much worse I guess. We were denied a new fire truck and instead they gave us $50,000 of the $275,000 that’s required to make our current attack pumper safe. We’re not sure how that’s going to play out yet.

Since I returned home from the meeting around 14:30 I ate a Cheddar Wurst, then went grocery shopping, came home and ate a salad, then had some cherry-vanilla ice cream, then a lean pocket and I still want to eat. That’s very abnormal for me and I feel like a disgusting pig. My belly feels plenty full but I just want to eat and eat and eat…

To distract myself I’ve been doing some light boxing. Since my left hand is fractured (though I removed the cast) I’m power jabbing with my right and throwing easy punches with my left (with gloves now, haha). I’m also getting the kicks in 🙂

Have I mentioned that I emailed our Chief of Police asking to do a ride along with one of our officers? He said they don’t usually do that but he will make an exception for me! To top it off he mentioned he may have me ride with our female Sergeant (my crush)!!! I’m very much looking forward to experiencing a day as a police officer.

{March 12, 2013}   Above And Beyond

I cheated… I’ve been taking my cast off so that people won’t know that I broke my hand. I’ve even been on both medical and fire calls without my cast since I broke my hand. Tonight we had a lift assist for our frequent handicapped flopper. I’m honored to go on calls, whether they are emergencies or service calls, but this particular patient’s husband always has me change his wife’s clothing and pad after we assist her into bed. It’s above and beyond my duty, and it’s incredibly uncomfortable for me. Meanwhile, my Captain waits in the next room laughing at me. The only remedy I can think of is to avoid these calls, but I can’t do that and keep a good conscience.

I got my medical insurance back so I saw my doctor at the pain clinic today. We scheduled more thoracic spinal nerve blocks. Maybe I will be able to get some relief.

I begin physical therapy again tomorrow, though I really don’t want to. My pain levels have been at a 8 or 9 out of 10. I’ve been spending a lot of time in bed, like 15-18 hours because it just hurts too much.

Now for some fun news!
We have a new police officer in town! She is very friendly and will stop by the station to say hi if she sees my car. We do some small talk and she leaves. If I see her parked in her cruiser, I’ll stop and chit chat for a bit. She’s gorgeous and the uniform doesn’t hurt, either. So, I guess I have a little crush on our new police officer 🙂   It feels good to be back in the game. At least, to have someone to pine over, even if they’re unavailable.

{October 25, 2012}   I Think I’m Crushing

As an EMT I work closely with the nurses at our local hospital. Well, there’s this one nurse/paramedic that I’m especially fond of. This will sound cliche but she looks like an angel. Her skin is tanned, her hair is so blonde it’s almost white, her eyes are an icy-blue and she floats, she doesn’t walk. She’s always calm and cool. She knows exactly what to say to people who are in pain or grieving. When she looks at me, I know it, I feel it. I kind of freeze in my tracks, it’s like my heart stops beating for a moment, then comes back to pound louder in my ears, my chest, my entire body. She’s mesmerizing. When she’s teaching a class or leading a discussion, an hour goes by and I have no idea what was talked about or what we were supposed to be learning. I go dumb. To make me feel even more stupid, she’s a touchy-feely kind of person (duh, she’s a nurse), and when she touches my arm or my back my entire body goes numb. I try to remember what her touch feels like, but it’s like the hand of a ghost touched me. I have no idea what it feels like.

I’ve never really had a ‘crush’ on anyone before. At least not to this extent. There are so many reasons that things will never go beyond what they are now. She’s older than me, probably by ten years, she’s straight and in a committed relationship (story of my life)… the list goes on. But I can still enjoy these feelings she gives me. I love the feelings and hate them all at once. I love how I look forward to meeting her again, how she captivates me. I hate how she seems to take away any intelligence I like to think I have (if she told me to drink a gallon of bleach because it;s good for me, I’d probably do it because that’s how stupid she makes me) and how I become completely helpless in her presence. She probably thinks I’m a complete idiot with a speech impediment.

Is this what a crush is supposed to feel like?

et cetera