notokinthehead











{March 20, 2012}   Venomous Love

Words full of
venom
anger laced with
poison
slowly killing me
when you say
them
when it’s going
good, it’s great
when it’s bad
it’s like murder-
suicide
take the pain
that you feel
inside
put it onto me
tears run down
your face as you
apologize
you take me
you break me
you lift me up
drop me to my
knees
beg for my
forgiveness
promise only
happiness
from here on
out
say you only
want to make me
proud
show me what love’s
about
you take it back
trust no one
else
sorry you put
us both through
hell
next time it
will be different
there won’t be
a next time
you’d rather
leave
than ever hurt
me
again, I’ve heard
all these lies
before
still, you never
make it through that
door.



{March 11, 2012}   *~Affection~*

I know you see my tears
Falling on my cheeks like acid rain
Yet you look right through me
Refusing to see my pain
You have hypnotized me
Imbedded fear in my brain
I don’t know if it’s love or hate
In my heart it all feels the same.

You go left, I’ll go right
Somehow, we always meet again
I feel the ground shake as the lightning strikes
Somehow, I don’t see this coming to an end
You’ve poisoned me with your promises
I can taste your bitterness
Your refusal to give me happiness
Your delight in causing me sadness.

You’ve cut me off from the outside world
I don’t know why I put up with it
You say you won’t do it again
It was a foolish accident
You hold me up high
To watch me plummet
Always in the wrong place at the wrong time
And you always take advantage of it.

They say it’s assault and you’re sick
You say you don’t need help, it was a slip
They tell me to turn you in
But I’m afraid of the consequence
They say you’ll only do it again
You say it’s all going to end
They tell me to take action
You say it’s how you show affection.



{March 10, 2012}   *~Self Inflicted~*

I’ve got nothing left to lose
And no one to thank but you
I jump in head-first
Into the pool filled with hurt
Taking a liking to drink
So I don’t have to think
It’s downhill from here
Started with a few beers
Then I turned to the hard liquor
It gets me drunk quicker
It lets me escape from the pain
Takes me to another place
Where time is on my side
I stay up through the night
Wondering what I did wrong
I’ve become a sad country song
No one’s a winner when sanity’s at risk
I’ve given into this craziness
It’s my own damn fault
I open the wounds, you pour the salt
The hurt is like an addiction
I’ll take if you want to give
I always come back for more
Why, I’m not sure
No one else gets it
Say it was an accident
“I fell down the staircase”
Explain away bruises on my face
They laugh and call me Grace
“What about the blood stains?”
Yeah, what about them?
It’s not your problem
It’s too late for you to care
When I needed it, no one was there
You get close, I push you away
It’s too late for me to be saved
It doesn’t matter what you say
I chose to live my life this way
I let them do this to me
Hoping someday they’ll love me
But for now I’ll just live my misery
This is how it has to be.



et cetera