notokinthehead











Well it won't be a complete washout.

Well it won’t be a complete washout.

As you all know I’m going to be in Boston for the last weekend of Pride festivities. So is Andrea… Tropical Storm Andrea. She’s supposed to drop in Friday night into Saturday. That’s okay. What I’m really looking forward to is the block party on Sunday. I have a brand new pair of men’s black cargo shorts and a plaid short sleeve shirt to wear to the block party so I can look my best butch, aka- be myself and be comfortable.

I had a pretty awesome dream this morning just before I woke up. I was again seeing my former physical therapist (for physical therapy- this is the therapist I had a little affair with) and she was giving me the best back massage. After the massage she gave me a greeting card that she’d written in. It said: “I love u. I miss u. Please call me sometime soon. I need u.”. After I read the card I looked back up at her and she gave me a big hug and a kiss on the corner of my mouth. Her lips were so hot they felt like they could burn me.

Then I woke up and my face was laying on my heating pad. I may actually have a slight first degree burn on the side of my face. Go ahead, laugh it up.

Today’s song is one that has been stuck in my head. I know I’ve posted it before but it’s too good not to share again. It’s by Rob Thomas and it’s basically asking how you can be content with yourself when there’s so much destruction being wrought on humanity and the world. Rock on:

 



{October 25, 2012}   *~Angel of Mine~*

Lost in your

gaze, those icy-

blue eyes pulling

me in to

depths unknown, frozen

in place, from

you I cannot

hide. Your hair

of golden silk

floats on the

evening air. Your

caresses are a

warm breeze, playing

on my skin,

teasing my senses,

leaving chills in

the wake of

your touches. Your

voice soothes and

excites all at

once, it’s hard

to believe that

you’re mine, it’s

hard to wake

up from my

dreams and leave

you, my fantasy…



{October 5, 2012}   Dreams and To-Do Lists

I had an upsetting dream last night. In my dream, my Lieutenant, who’s also my favorite guy at the Fire Department, came to my house in our Engine 1 and told me that he and two other Captains had a discussion about me and agreed that I should turn in my resignation. He said to think about it. I walked a figure-eight pattern in the driveway for a few minutes then told him that I would not resign. He said, “You don’t really have a choice.”

I woke up from that dream and I was genuinely angry and upset. It took me a moment to realize that I had a dream and that it wasn’t real. Why in the world would my subconscious do that to me? It seems like a cruel joke. At the present time I live for that department, being an EMT and Firefighter. If it wasn’t for the department I would have nothing to hold onto.

Of course in just a little over an hour I have to go have a physical which is a requirement for the department. Maybe subconsciously I’m worried that something will be askew and I will “fail” the physical, resulting in me having to give up the fire department. And just last night at our weekly meeting I was given the major responsibility of inspecting the ambulance and all of the on-board equipment on a regular basis! It’s an honor, really. Lives literally depend on that ambulance, all of the supplies we carry on-board and especially our heart monitors and AEDs.

After my physical, the blood-work and immunizations, I have to do some grocery shopping. I’d rather stick my thumb in my eye. I hate grocery shopping. Then I’m supposed to go to the Fire Department, print out the State regulations of what we have to have on the ambulance and take an inventory of our on-board supplies.

What I want to do: snuggle in bed and watch TV or just nap.



{September 18, 2012}   Not Sure What This Is…?

Here’s a little… something. Ramble maybe?

 

Tip toeing through the dark tunnels in my mind

Each corridor appearing the same as the last

At each turn there’s carnival mirrors looming larger than life

Instead of me, I see monstrous reflections of you

I try to run, to look outside, but a veil covers my eyes

I’m stuck in this dark place, alone with you once again

I want to break the mirrors but there’s a force field of emotion, protection…



et cetera