notokinthehead











{January 27, 2014}   Welcome Home Harley!

image

This is Harley. I rescued him from a shelter this morning. He’s such a sweet, loving dog… unless he’s never met you before. He’s a Boxer/Greyhound. In his former home poor Harley was abused and neglected, he’s still very underweight. He does not like men or loud people. I think we’re a match made in Heaven 🙂
I’m looking forward to our life together from today forward. There’s nothing as rewarding as rescuing an animal 🙂



{December 23, 2013}   Namesake

Today my Grammy, and my namesake, would have been ninety-one years old. However for the last five (almost six) years she has been celebrating eternal youth with my Grampa in Heaven. So here’s my message to my Grammy:

Happy Birthday, Grammy. Even though I miss you every day I know you and Grampa are happy, forever healthy and forever young in Heaven. I know you want me to take my time but I honestly can’t wait to see you again. And when we do meet again we will have some epic game tournaments, all of our favorites: Scrabble, Cribbage, Skip-Bo, Pokeno, etc. We’ll get the whole family together and maybe I can finally talk you into playing a game of Monopoly! Until then I always have you with me. I know you don’t really approve of tattoos but I have two Guardian Angels on my shoulders: you and Grampa. Give him a hug for me. I love you. Happy Birthday.

“There’s holes in the floor of Heaven and she’s watching over you and me…” ~Collin Rate, Holes in the Floor of Heaven

Grammy: 12/22/1922 – 01/20/2008



{November 23, 2013}   Holidays Are Approaching!

Lights

We’ve seen some snow here in New England- I woke up to a clean, crisp, white coating this morning. It’s a reminder that the Holidays are quickly approaching. Thursday is Thanksgiving already! I’m not a big fan of Thanksgiving. I’m not a big eater and poultry just isn’t for me. However there are only three days out of the year, Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas, when we have the whole family- brothers and sisters, nephews and nieces, aunts and uncles- all under the same roof at the same time. There’s laughing, of course there’s arguing but best of all… there’s family. So I smile, eat some peas, squash and bread and patiently wait for desert 🙂

I’ve already been listening to Christmas music. My shower playlist- Christmas music. Radio in my car- Christmas music. Radio in my Ambulance- Christmas music. And once I get my Christmas bonus- Christmas music while Christmas shopping!

My all-time favorite Christmas song is The Little Drummer Boy by the Trans Siberian Orchestra:

And a little more new-age is Tiny Tree Christmas by Guster:



{November 17, 2013}   In Love!

November 16, 2013, 10:05 pm– My brother and his wife welcomed their first child, named after my brother. Junior is seven pounds, two ounces and twenty inches long. I’m exploding with joy! I have not seen him yet but I will go to the hospital in the morning to see them.

 



{July 25, 2013}   Goodbye Life Preserver

Quick replay of the last two weeks: my seventeen year old nephew moved in and my whole world shook. I gave up half of my floor so the kid would have a place to sleep. He was basically kidnapped from us when he was three and I was seven years old. His father (no relation to me) did hard time for raping a three year old girl (not nearly enough time, if you ask me). Suddenly the State places him in my home two weeks ago. We really don’t know anything about this kid except he watches Spongebob 16 hours a day and sleeps the rest.

Fast-forward to the present: I’m sitting in my car at a Dunkin’ Donuts a few towns over from my house. Why? Because my niece is in my bed. My parents don’t trust my nephew with my seven year old niece because of what his father did and so they won’t put her in a room that isn’t locked up like Fort Knox.

I’m sitting here at Dunkin’ Donuts sipping my coffee and thinking about it all. I’m usually not a selfish person. However, I feel like the line has been crossed. My one safe, quiet place has been taken away. I should probably mention that my niece does not have to stay at my house, but my Mother likes to have her sleep over a few nights a week. So why isn’t she in my Mother’s bed???

Some nights when I’m undressing for bed I feel like I should check my clothes for dirty shoe prints because it sure feels like I’m being trampled on an awful lot.



Day number two with my long-lost nephew.

He’s a good kid. We went to my Uncle’s house today for a family barbeque and it went very well. Okay, so it was really boring. Anyway, my nephew seems to be enjoying himself. He’s really taken to me especially. After we got home this afternoon I laid down for a quick nap that ended up lasting three hours. When I got up I didn’t even make it to the bottom of the stairway when he came running, “You’re finally up!”. Haha. I sat outside with my parents for a little bit and they told me that while I was napping my nephew kept saying, “She’s still sleeping?”, “She’s not up yet?”, “How long is she going to sleep?”. Apparently he was very anxious for me to be up and about.
I watched the two National Treasure movies with him tonight. He says they’re his favorite movies. I think it’s going to work out with him. All He needs and desperately wants is to be lived and cared for. Fortunately if there’s anything my family knows how to do, it’s making people feel as though they’ve always been an important part if this family.
I’m kind of looking forward to my nephew officially moving in Friday. It feels good to be doing something for someone, and it’s amazing how he came back to us. We thought we’d never see him again, but here he is, almost fifteen years later. It’s amazing!



{July 6, 2013}   Day One

humidity

Today was the first day that my nephew has been here. He’s spending the weekend here and then he’ll be moved in on Friday. So far it’s gone well. He wants to be a medic in the Army and so I took him to the Fire Department with me and showed him around. He seemed to really enjoy it. One of my Lieutenants left a Fire Department shirt in my locker for him, which I thought was very nice. A seventeen year old boy isn’t going to be easy to live with but at least we’re starting off well.

I was awakened this morning by my pager going off. One of our frequent fliers passed away last night and her husband called 911 this morning. He said he couldn’t wake her after the six o’clock news last night but he thought she was just in a deep sleep, induced by this awful heat. However when he got up this morning (15 hours later) she hadn’t moved at all so he called 911. She had been gone for awhile and the house was hotter than it was outside. It was not a pleasant call, especially without first having some coffee.

Tomorrow I’m going to a big family cookout. One of my Aunts flew up from Georgia so we’re having a big get-together, and my nephew will finally get to meet the rest of the family. The poor kid has been in foster homes for so long (unbeknownst to my family, long story) and I think he needs to know he has a big family who loves him and cares about him.

Let’s hope this heat and awful humidity breaks up soon! We’ve been at a rather steady 92% humidity. Ugh.



Changes

The quote above hit a chord with me, somewhere deep inside. It’s a very true, almost crude, quote. My “best friend” is now miles away in heart and mind, though she moved into a home closer to me physically. We never get together for coffee anymore and forget about our little excursions out of town. She’s so preoccupied with her new home and it seems her head is too far up her ass to realize that the world doesn’t revolve around her. I can only do so much when I get nothing in return, emotionally.

On the other side of things, I’ve gained many more good friends and family (my brothers at the Fire Department) both near and far. These amazing people would give their lives for me without a second thought, which is so much more than a lot of people feel from their loved ones.

I’ve also learned a lot about people in the last year. They will use you, they will cut you just to watch you bleed and if you don’t follow your gut feelings, your instincts, you will end up hurt. Like my Dad says about me, if I were on a jury they would have to prove their innocence, not their guilt, because I trust no one until they prove to me that they are trustworthy. Or I get blinded by “love” or lust. But if you’re lucky enough to find one of the few truly good people in this world, hold on to them, realize just how blessed you are to be a part of their lives, and they’ll feel the same towards you. There really is no greater feeling in this life than to be able to trust someone completely, with every fiber of your being.

And if you can’t trust them completely… don’t enter a burning building with them! Haha. And of course, always remember:

Critics



This is exactly what my face looks like right now. No kidding.

This is exactly what my face looks like right now. No kidding.

I feel so good! A weekend (or five days) away has done me a world of good. Physical pain aside, I haven’t felt this good in a really, really, really long time. I’m already planning on returning next month.

Ahhh, to be FREE! I’ve been day dreaming about what it would be like to move there. Obviously it would be different than vacationing there. I couldn’t get drunk and party every night like we did this past weekend. It’s too expensive. But down there no one cares that I’m gay. No one cares that I’m a female but wear men’s clothes. Everyone loves everyone else, just the way they are. It’s really kind of sad when I think about it: I can’t get that from my own family.

For now I’m going to hold onto this good feeling that still remains from my little mini-vaca.

At least I’ve had some time to rest. There hasn’t been a single medical or fire call since I’ve been home. That’s a very good thing because I’m not sure my body could handle that right now. I might even take my Valium and turn my pager off tonight, for just one more night.



{May 26, 2013}   Snow on May 25th? Yep!

Welcome to New England. Right now we’re experiencing a bit of a wintry mix out there. We’re approaching our 8th straight day of rain.
There are some exciting events coming up. On Saturday, June first, my brother is getting married! Then I’m leaving for Boston June 7th-10th for a mini vacation with one of my best friends. It’s going to be a great, relaxing time and I’m really looking forward to it.
On the less sunny side of things… I’ve been working my ass off at the Fire Department, I take my best friend for surgery on Thursday, the State has sent me a letter asking me to obtain custody of my 17 year old nephew whom I haven’t seen since he was 3 and my back is killing me.
Chin up! Things can always be worse, right?



et cetera