notokinthehead











{March 25, 2014}   Stalked

As a Firefighter/EMT, when we have bad days they very quickly turn into bad weeks. A bad day for us all too often means that we lost a patient or lost one of our own. This week I worked a scene of a young woman who completed suicide. There was nothing we could do for her, she was gone long before anyone called 911. Even though there was so very obviously nothing anyone could do to save this young woman’s life it tends to follow you, stalk you. Some things that you encounter in this profession never leave you.

For the last three days I’ve been haunted by the completed suicides that I’ve worked in my two short years as a firefighter/EMT. None of which were viable. The elderly male who put a gun in his mouth and sprayed his entire bathroom with blood and brain matter. The 19 year old girl who hung herself with the cord of a curling iron from an eye-hook in a bathroom ceiling. The 32 year old mother who we found face down in her own vomit, she overdosed on Oxycodone with her teenage children in the house. And then Saturday, the young woman who sat in her car garage with her car running.

The things I’ve seen make it hard to sleep at night. Natural death is hard to deal with, but when someone actively takes their own life it’s devastating for all involved. It kind of makes you angry, you studied your ass off to learn how to save people when they’re circling the drain, you’ve held the hand of the dying and tried to do your best to comfort them when all they want is more time on this Earth. Then you go and cut down the body of someone who decided that their life isn’t worth living. It definitely makes you question your faith in God, or whatever higher power that you believe in, that they allow the people who want to live, to die, while the ones who have no desire to live anymore can choose to take their own lives.

I’m not putting down people who are depressed, suicidal or mentally ill. I understand some of the emotional distress and chemical imbalances that play a role in depression. I’m just simply asking why things play out the way they do. I understand that I’ll never have an answer to that question.

Conclusion: death is difficult. My job has me knee deep in corpses, when I’d much rather do lift assists all day every day. You can comfort the families who’ve lost a loved one all day, but you can never breathe life back into a person when their time has come.

EMS: the profession of being stalked by death.



{March 1, 2014}   Blogger Flu

I guess I’ve got the Blogger Flu. I have all kinds of ideas for new blogs and I’m excited for them. For now I’ve settled on making one more blog, for a total of three. Check it out at professionallesbo.wordpress.com . This new blog, appropriately titled “The Professional Lesbian”, is less of a diary and more for funny stuff, pictures, quotes, etc. I think it will lean more toward the LGBT EMS and Fire Community but there’s guaranteed to be something for everyone.

Come on friends, check it out!!!



{November 12, 2013}   Coping Skills

mvaThe tones went out for this motor vehicle accident at 17:57 this evening. Two of the occupants were flown to a major hospital by helicopter from the scene and it will be a miracle if either of them survive.

In Fire and EMS we tend to joke about these horrific calls as a way to cope with the horror we are faced with. It seems morbid, or even disturbing, to people who do not deal with these scenes. But for us it’s the only way we know. So… Don’t Drink and drive, or I get to see you naked!

Think people! And stay safe!



{November 1, 2013}   Don’t Drink and Drive

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It’s simply not worth it. This was my wake up call at 01:30 this morning. Miraculously the single occupant wasn’t seriously injured and there were no children in the child seats that were ejected from the vehicle.
Stay safe everyone!



{August 29, 2013}   In Action

In Action.

 

From my other blog- a small glimpse into my “happy” place, my work and what I live for.



{August 10, 2013}   B.I.T.C.H.

My new mug for the fire department, since I’m the only female 🙂

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{August 2, 2013}   I Still See Myself as a Girl

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I don’t think I’ll ever grow up.



{July 30, 2013}   Thank You

Thank You

Being an EMT/firefighter myself I know that we don’t hear this nearly enough. Most people have no idea about the things we see and the challenges we face. But we do it because there’s nothing else we would rather do. Thankless job or not, we eat, sleep and breathe to help people.

 



{July 26, 2013}   I Work for a Higher Power

And I don’t mean someone with a fancy job title who makes more money than I do.

Here’s how my day has gone, so far:
04:00am- small fire in a machine shop. Piece of cake.

04:40am- 62 year old male, heart attack. With some Aspirin and some Nitroglycerin we were able to stop it, temporarily, and get him to the hospital.

10:30am- 84 year old female with severe stomach pain and possibly bloody stools. Package and transport.

13:00pm- 76 year old male fell, definite broken hip/pelvis. We gave him pain meds before we moved him and transported him.

18:00pm- requested by State Police to respond and check on a 43 year old male who had been assaulted. Upon arrival we fund out that his 20 year old son used his face for a punching bag, and he was positive he didn’t have any facial fractures because he’d fractured almost every bone in his face when he was younger and a “brawler”. We did not transport him. Good thing because any technician sitting in the back of the ambulance with him would have gotten drunk off his breath.

Five calls in one day is a lot for my department. Sometimes we can go a week without a single call. I’m a volunteer firefighter/EMT. That’s why I say I work for a Higher Power. I do it because it’s a calling to help people, not for the puny paycheck. Even if I didn’t get paid a penny for going on these calls I would still do it. I’ve never done anything more rewarding than holding an elderly patients hand while he writhed in pain, or holding a Mother while she cries because her daughter just completed suicide. You can’t put an hourly rate on this job. It has to be in your heart. And you have to have a strong heart to do the job without becoming damaged yourself.



{July 18, 2013}   Lightning Strikes Again

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I’m scared to death of thunder and lightning. And my fears are legit: we fought a structure fire last night that was caused by lightning. Today we got called back for hot spots. I got nasty sweaty and dirty. And it’s 92° out with 94% humidity. Ugh!
We’re supposed to have more severe thunderstorms rolling in within the next two hours. Fingers crossed that it doesn’t start any fires or cause anyone else the heartache of losing their home.
I haven’t taken any pain killers in two days and man am I feeling it. Especially after the structure fires.



et cetera