{March 3, 2013}   Bath Salt Impossible

We had our first bath salt incident today. The twenty year old guy decided to try to out run the police officer who was attempting to pull him over for reckless conduct. The kid made it about a mile before trying to pass two cars on a sharp corner, ending up in a snow bank. He then got out of his vehicle and attacked the police officer who, after scuffling with him, managed to plant him face first on the pavement. They called us to check him out and he insisted he needed to go to the hospital via ambulance. He said his uncle is a federal judge and the police broke his back so he’s suing the Town. As the police tried to escort him he head butted the officer in the face and proceeded to flip out. It was quite a show. We did not transport the subject. He went via police cruiser. The arresting officer is a friend of mine and I just found out that they had to use three cans of pepper spray on the kid and then the hospital staff asked them to remove him from the premises.
Bath Salts- a terrible drug. Why in the world would someone take them knowing what happens??? It’s crazy. That kid is going to do time. His rap sheet just got exponentially longer.

Time for my evening workout 🙂

{February 27, 2013}   My Best Butch Look

At 7am this morning I finally realized what my best butch look is: bunker gear. There was a head-on collision involving a big box truck and a little Nissan at the end of my road. I was obviously the first on scene. I got my gear on and climbed into the back seat of the car where the most critical patient was. 20 Year old male pinned by his legs by the engine compartment. I held c-spine and awaited the arrival of my fellow firefighters and ems. I stayed with my patient through the 30 minute extrication, keeping him calm, explaining what we were doing to get him out and keeping him engaged in conversation about his one-year-old daughter, girlfriend and job. I covered him with my own body while my partners punched in the windows, cut off the doors and the roof and removed the engine compartment from my patients legs. At some point my thumb got smashed pretty bad, but I was so involved with my patient that I don’t know when or how it happened. We got him out of the wreckage and loaded into the ambulance (two broken femurs, broken arm and head injury) and stood there looking at the car. No one, including myself,knows how I got into the car. The roof was partially caved in and the doors were jammed. 

So my best butch look is me. It’s not really  “look” at all, it’s deeper than that. It’s how you feel when you feel your best. I just happen to feel my best and be happiest when I’m in my fire gear helping people and comforting them. It’s not even abour being gay. It’s about being me!

{February 20, 2013}   Status: Soon-To-Be Cat Lady

Guess who came home with me when I finished house sitting? That cute, loving, adorable cat, Stubby:


Stubby stealing my heating pad and burying his head under my butt.

His name is Stubby because he’s a Maine Coon Cat and the breeders cut his tail off to a little stub when he was a tiny kitten. I think that’s cruel, myself. But it’s cute because his little stub does a little wiggle. He and Babe are trying to establish the Alpha at this point so they’re not really getting along. It seems they decide to fight most in the middle of the night when they both want to be in bed with me… ugh.

My little “relaxing” weekend didn’t go as planned. It was still relaxing, though. I didn’t read as much as I had planned to read… because I spent most of the weekend watching the full seasons of The L Word on my Kindle. So it was still a good weekend.

On Sunday we had three first alarms, two of them at the same time. All turned out to be simple calls, but it made for a hectic afternoon and evening. Since my lazy weekend I’ve had trouble getting my ass in gear. I went to physical therapy on Monday and it killed me. I haven’t been to any calls since then and I feigned a headache to skip out on my meeting at the hospital last night. I have a feeling my EMS coordinator is probably going to give me a hard time the next time I do show up but even that isn’t enough motivation for me to get my shit together. I get the feeling that I’m really screwing up. To top it all off, I lost my insurance so I’m quitting physical therapy ($210/week). Another issue with physical therapy is I’m very attracted to my physical therapist and we all know how that ended for me last time. Maybe I have a weird fetish for PT’s? All I know is I both can’t stand to spend those two hours per week with her and I can’t wait until the next appointment. Sigh.

Tonight I have enough motivation to go play some board and card games. Maybe it’s just responsibility that I’m having a hard time grasping right now?


{February 10, 2013}   One Year, One Day

Blizzard 2013

Yesterday WordPress informed me that it was my one-year anniversary in the blogging world. Unfortunately, we had a State of Emergency and I did not have the time/chance to write a decent blog marking the milestone. I had to do a 24-hour shift at the department and I hope to not have to do that again! Military cots are awful (no one ever mentions that when they talk about our men and women across seas!), I’ve never shoveled so much in my life (had to keep the bay doors cleared and the Town Road Crew couldn’t keep up with it) and one of our EMS teams buried our ambulance in a snowbank. What a shift it was! Needless to say, in a mere twenty-four hours I undid all of my physical therapists hard work. Oops. Now I am exhausted so I’ll try to keep it somewhat short and sweet. Here are the big things that I learned and have impacted me in the last year since I began my blog:

I joined my town’s fire department and took an EMT course. On that same note, I became the department’s #2 responder and administrative assistant, as well as the only female firefighter/EMT on the department. I completed a driving course and received a certificate enabling me to drive any fire/rescue apparatus in three states in New England.

I moved back to my parent’s house. What more is there to say about that? I’m comfortable and content here… don’t judge.

I lost my best friend but gained much knowledge in how relationships are supposed to work. I learned that I’m not going to be happy when I give and give and get nothing but sh*t in return. That’s a big step!

I learned that BEING someone really does have to do with the company you keep. If you want to be a respected and valued person in your community, you need to surround yourself with the same. Not drunks and dead-beats. Alcohol will get you nowhere but down.

The Police really are your friends, not your enemies. I let the actions of a few blind me to the good ones. I’m proud to say that I am now friends with all five police officers in my town as well as a few State Troopers. In EMS they are, in fact, our bulletproof vests, our angels. They are human and, like me and you, make mistakes.

I was a part of my brother’s elaborate wedding proposal which included the fire department’s apparatus and half of the fire department. I’m going to have a new sister-in-law on June first! (I actually like this one, hehe)

I chopped my long hair off! And I love it!!! (Of course I donated it to breast cancer patients)

I bought a new car and got rid of my old truck.

My family received the news of my Mother’s terminal illness. Then we received the news that instead of having only a few years… she could have ten or more!

One of the most important things, if not the most important, that has happened to me in the last year since I began blogging is gaining my new “family” in the fire department. There’s nothing like knowing you’d give your life for someone without a second thought and knowing that they would do the same. Nothing compares to that.

That completes my list, though I could go on and on. I have no song for today, but here are a couple of music videos I really like:



{February 8, 2013}   One Year

Female FFWordPress informed me that today marks my one year anniversary blogging. Wow time goes by fast! A lot has happened and to mark this milestone I’d really like to add up the important things. Maybe tomorrow, though, for we are under a State of Emergency (thank you, Nemo!) and it’s required that we all be at the station for at least the next twenty-four hours beginning at six o’clock tonight. It’s going to make for a very long night/day. We have little fold-up cots to sleep on and my back is not looking forward to it. At least, being the only female, I get to make the office into my own little temporary bedroom while the guys bunk in the conference room (maybe I won’t hear their snoring, haha). This will be my first all-hands mandatory over-night stay. I’ve stayed one time before, for Hurricane Sandy, but it was just two of us. I imagine it will be sort of like a dorm. One of my Lieutenants has all of the meals planned, dinner tonight, breakfast tomorrow, lunch tomorrow and all kinds of snacks in between. I’m nervous and maybe a little uncomfortable, but I trust these guys with my life (I have to, and I know they trust me with theirs) so it’ll be okay. Maybe even a little bit fun. Aside from the stack of reports I’ve been neglecting for almost two weeks now.

I think I’m well prepared. Aside from the clothing necessities I have my MP3 player. headphones and Kindle to kill boredom. Oh, and my Emergency Medical Services Monopoly game! 😀

Stay safe everyone! Especially those of you on the East coast!

{February 8, 2013}   Pizza and Meetings

After teaching a friend how to properly patch holes in drywall today I had a meeting at the fire department and a work detail (inspecting the apparatus). In the middle of changing the oil in the ambulance we had a fire alarm so it turned into a Nascar pit stop session. Then I came home (freezing from standing outside in the 14 degree weather) and grabbed a pizza pan that had just come out of the oven, successfully burning my ring and pinkie fingers. I didn’t immediately drop the pan because my fingers were temporarily numb from the cold. I can feel them now! Burning and stinging…

I had an okay session with physical therapy yesterday. I’m not looking forward to going through it all again. Tomorrow is supposed to be session number two but we’re also supposed to get 18-24 inches of snow between tonight and Saturday. Oh and 45-50 mph winds. It’s going to be a true nor’ easter.

Welcome to New England!

Chelsea Lately, The L Word and bed for me. We’ll see what tomorrow brings.

{January 23, 2013}   Unusual Photo Op

At 2:21am this morning we were called to a residence for a 24 year old male who was seizing. When we go there, we realized that the kid had been using heroin and it seemed that caused his seizure. At 6:16am this morning my pager goes off for the same address: fully involved structure fire. It went to second alarm before we had it under control. The Fire Marshall’s non-official report is it was a meth lab gone wrong. Thankfully, since I’d been there just a few hours prior I was able to tell dispatch right away that it was suspicious, chemicals were most likely involved and that ALL people on scene were to wear masks or SCBA’s. Glad I was able to make that call. We fought that fire for over six hours. It’s a complete loss, the only thing standing being the brick chimney. The fire was so hot that it melted the wood stoves into unrecognizable heaps of metal. That was my biggest fire yet. The local newspaper and local TV news station got plenty shots of my brother and I, with our matching names on our jackets, fighting the fire. What an unusual photo op. Oh, and my mother was texting me every five minutes inquiring if we were okay. That felt good. But I couldn’t really answer her that often.

With the adrenaline worn down, I’m now exhausted. Going off about three hours total sleep and a lot of hard, physical labor. Nap time!




{January 22, 2013}   Too Much at Once

I’ve buried myself in reading today. The reason is quite simple: Too many people asking too much of me at the same time. They should all know by now that, that results in me giving 0.00%.

FirehouseI finished reading Firehouse by David Halberstam and have started and nearly finished reading Fallout by Ellen Hopkins. Firehouse was a very good book. It tells the true stories of a firehouse and the firehouse family in a borough of NYC and how the 9/11 massacre changed their lives. It’s riveting and a page turner. Once I started it, I couldn’t put it down. I’m very thankful that we do not have highrises where I live, and ever grateful for the tedious calls we get. As for Fallout, I’ll give a better report when I’m finished with reading it, but so it’s also a page turner. I’ve said it a million times before but I’ll say it again: I love Ellen Hopkins’ style of writing (poetry form). So raw and every bit as addicting as the drugs she writes about.

Maybe tomorrow I will get my shit together again. I’m just overwhelmed for today. I have an appointment to take my (new!) car to the garage first thing tomorrow morning, so I’d better try to get some sleep.

Today’s song is very appropriate for my mood this evening. A long-time friend of mine always says that this song sounds like me:

{January 21, 2013}   Feels Like Home

Car TreeNow that I have my car I face a new task: making it feel like mine. My old truck had a redneck theme, but my new vehicle looks like a soccer Mom’s car so I don’t think it’ll work out well. I’ve already purchased car fresheners that are shaped like a tree, smell like vanilla (very strong vanilla) and have the American Flag pattern on them. I’ve put my lights and fire plates on it. Now for floor mats, since it didn’t come with any. I will skip on any seat covers because I love the leather seats! I definitely need a cargo mat because I don’t won’t to mess up the carpet in the back with my bunker gear, EMS bag and oxygen tanks. The last thing I want is to throw my gear in the back after fighting a fire and getting soot and shit all over the carpet :/

Now for the real issues: my sister is still in the ER waiting for a bed to open up at the State Hospital’s Psychiatric Ward. I pray it happens soon because all the ER is doing is keeping her fed and alive. She needs mental help and detox.

My Assistant Fire Chief is really pissing me off. I’m the number two responder (out of twenty-seven of us) and he’s treating me like shit. I do all of the dirty work, as well as all of the administrative crap (paperwork), and he does nothing but harp on my ass. I cannot wait for my Chief to get back from his vacation so that the Assistant Chief can get off his power trip. He’s allowing his personal life to float into the department and forgetting all professionalism he used to possess. Myself and a few others are about ready to walk out on him and leave him high and dry, with only the weekenders who come to volunteer when they’re not at home in one of the cities.

As for the nerve blocks I had in my thoracic spine, they seem to be doing some good. They’ve taken the edge off of my pain. I also got a prescription for Phenergan to combat the nausea that the Butrans patches were causing. I’m trying them for the first time with the pills tonight. We’ll see how well it works.

{January 14, 2013}   Self-Inflicted Boo-Boos

I got a call last night for a twenty-four year old male who had stabbed himself repeatedly with a fork. After the police cleared the scene for me I went on scene to see the patient. Turns out I went to school with the kid and know his rap well. He’s a little unstable and when we were eighteen he drove drunk with a friend in the car and ended up totaling the car and paralyzing his friend for life. I look at the kids arm and asked him what happened. He just kept repeating that he was mad, he was pissed off, better he hurt himself than stab his girlfriend. How can I disagree with that? Anyway, he had stabbed himself deeply five times in the left wrist and forearm and he’d lost a quite a bit of blood. By this time the second ambulance is pulling up so I applied a couple of pressure dressings and sent him on his way to the hospital.

For me, this call was pretty awesome. Most of the calls I get are elderly people who slipped and need assistance getting back up or malfunctioning fire alarms. I do wonder what made him do this, though. I have done things to injure myself when I’ve been angry, too, but it’s usually just punching a wall or something of the like. I can’t imagine stabbing myself with anything, let alone a fork. That’s four to five holes per stab. So five stabs and you’ve got at least twenty puncture wounds. That has to be painful. There was a lot of blood, a lot, but even though I couldn’t see clearly through all of the blood, I have no doubt that the punctures were deep enough to go through muscle, tendons and even nick the bones.

This morning I got more nerve blocks in my thoracic spine via a catheter. That was painful. I have a bleeding disorder and they pushed me out of the office rather quickly, so by the time I got home there was a quite a bit of blood on my back, shirt and waistline of my pants. My Mother freaked out. She has a weak stomach so I ended up taking care of her and having my Father take care of my issue.

Not too long ago I had a weak stomach. When I was sixteen I watched my sister give birth to my niece and I was with her for thirty-two excruciating hours. When my little niece finally came out into the world I missed it. I passed out from the blood. Not once, but twice. Then when she was four (I was twenty-one) she fell and split her lip open. I fainted… again. I don’t know what happened but it was like over night I changed and suddenly blood doesn’t bother me anymore. I’m always fixing up scraped knees and cuts for my niece and nephew. I’ve had some gruesome calls with Rescue. Such as during my clinicals with a local ambulance service: two bikers went down while doing approximately fifty-five mph, not wearing helmets. The female passenger on the bike had a head injury and was bleeding from all over her body from road rash and lacerations (she was wearing short-shorts and a bikini top). Or the middle-aged man who had some disease that I forget the name of- he was bleeding from his nose, mouth, ears and both eyes. This stuff no longer bothers me, instead it gets my adrenaline pumping. This person is bleeding and I know how to fix it! Maybe that’s just it: I now have the knowledge to deal with the issue, when before I felt helpless.

et cetera