notokinthehead











{October 20, 2013}   A Cat? A Dog? A Toddler?
Babe and I reading a book.

Babe and I reading a book.

My cat, Babe, doesn’t seem to know what she is. She looks like a cat, acts like a dog and sits like a toddler in it’s mother’s lap. However, Babe is my best friend in the world. She’s nonjudgmental, she loves me no matter what mood I’m in, she doesn’t nag or ask endless questions and she’s always loving. If Babe were a person instead of a cat she’d be my soul mate, not doubt.

This revelation comes at a time when I’m mourning a friendship that has recently ended. I was pretty much over it when it ended, it was me who said “enough, I can’t do this anymore”, but the former friend won’t let sleeping dogs lie. She is understandably angry about how the friendship suddenly ceased to be and it seems that every other day she is texting me something outrageous and accusing. This is very much the reason I had to end the friendship in the way that I did. She is mentally ill and refuses to seek help. Unfortunately, I cannot help her and I was hoping that by walking away like I did she would realize that her friends have disappeared one by one and by no one’s fault except her own, and somehow she would see that she needs to get help. So far it has not worked out that way. This evening while driving around and enjoying my music I received yet another unpleasant text from this woman. She is now accusing me of stealing $5,000 from her… last week. It’s been at least a month since I’ve seen her. She’s calling me every name in the book and then some and accusing me of stealing the money from her and threatening to call the police. Oh how I hope she does. It would make me feel better. I’ve done a lot for her in the past eight years and it really hurts that she would pull something like this. I wouldn’t take a penny from someone without asking and then I’d give them a dollar to pay them back. THAT’S the type of person I am. I guess the only thing I can do is ignore the texts and try to convince myself that she doesn’t matter and anyone who does matter won’t believe her absurd stories.

I’m learning that being a good person only gets you heartache and pain. At this rate I will be a bitter cat lady within the next five years.



{October 6, 2013}   Expanding my Musical Horizons

Thanks to a new friend I recently discovered a liking for Fiona Apple. Here are a few songs I really enjoyed and want to share:

My FAVORITE so far is “Get Gone”:



{September 21, 2013}   Puppets

puppetSo I have a good friend who’s having a hard time right now. I think it would be safe to say that she’s having a bit of a mental breakdown. I’ve been there for her every day, until I had to have thirty injections in my back and have been legitimately drugged up. All of a sudden I’m the enemy. I’m a liar, I’m selfish and I don’t care about her or what she’s going through. ARGH! Finally last night I had to shut my phone off and avoid all social media. I got to my breaking point, she pushed me over the edge. Then tonight I’m hanging out with a friend and she starts texting my friend telling him how I blew her off and all of a sudden I don’t have any time for her, etc. I don’t have the patience for this crap. I’m in pain.

Being friends with her is like being a puppet on a string. Anybody who is friends with her is her puppet on a string. She says who I can and cannot be friends with, where I can and cannot go and when I’m going to do this and that. Maybe I am being selfish in the way that I’m not going to answer to anyone. I’m my own person and will do and see who I please, whenever I want. I’m single and I have ZERO responsibilities. That’s how I like it.

So tonight I’m struggling with writing her an email explaining that I do love her, she’s like a big sister to me, but I can’t play all these games. I won’t play all of these games. Take me or leave me, but I’m not a puppet on a string and I won’t listen to the b.s. that results from me doing what I want to do.



{September 13, 2013}   Cool, Rainy Nights

image

Tonight I cleaned my ass off at a friends house, trying to make it habitable. My reward: a nice, relaxing time in the hot tub with the cool, pouring rain coming down. It worked wonders on my achy back and shoulders. I’m spending the night with a great friend and then just hanging out tomorrow. Time for this girl to take a break from the every day stress 🙂



{January 30, 2013}   You Just Want The Attention

Born Gay

I love Chelsea Handler! This pretty much says it all. A friend of mine (who I dated in junior high, turns out he’s gay, too. Ironic? Probably not. Ha!) posted this on FaceBook today and it made me smile big 😀

I have some plans that I’m looking forward to this weekend. I’m going to a nearby city to shop with a friend all day Friday and when I return Friday night, I’m going to pick up another friend and we’re going to Boston for the weekend. I’ll probably come back myself Saturday morning sometime like the party pooper I am, but we’re supposed to stay with her ill father while we’re down there and I know I can’t take much of that. Now if we were staying with our friend Cris, who’s old enough to be my mother but who I’ve had a major crush on since I was like fourteen, I’d stay as long as was financially possible. Hmm… it would be really cool if I could make that happen. But probably not on such short notice. Cris is actually the first lesbian I ever crushed on. Actually… she’s the only lesbian that I know of that I’ve crushed on.

Today’s song has a nostalgic feeling about it for me. I love it!

 



{September 20, 2012}   Break Ups

Ever had a break-up with your best friend? I had a falling out with mine a few months ago and it still bothers me. Mostly because she’s vicious and miserable and is still trying to pin me for things I never said or did. It’s sad that someone can be that miserable, isn’t it?

So, am I the only one who attaches break-up songs to the feelings I have about a best friend break-up? I have to laugh at it.

 



{April 13, 2012}   Plans: Disrupted.

I had a great day today with my friend. 🙂

Unfortunately, I did something to my knee. It’s the size of a basketball. No lie. I was standing still, I shifted my weight from my left leg to my right leg, resulting in a very audible and painful snapping sound. Man… it hurts.

Another side note… I got my hours cut in half for tomorrow. Seven hours won’t pay to register my truck, even if I were being paid fifteen dollars per hour 😦   So the stress builds a little more and the struggles get a little harder. Hopefully it will all work out. Preferably before the end of this month.

I went out to the bar for karaoke last night (I DON’T sing) and had a lot of fun. I wish guys would stop trying to pick me up, though. I just want to sit back, relax, drink a few beers and enjoy the music. NO, I don’t want to dance with you and NO I WON’T take you home with me. Jeez.



{March 23, 2012}   I Went Out Again…

I made it out to the bar again last night for their karaoke night. We were having a Girl’s Night, no husbands, no boyfriends, no fiances… Girls. Believe it or not, I only had two beers because I agreed to be the designated driver for my cousins. It wasn’t easy. I wanted to drink so bad. And to top it off, there was a group of young punks there who would not take no for an answer when I didn’t want to dance with them. There is nothing more annoying than having very pushy twenty-one year old boys butt into your GIRL’S NIGHT and not understand the meaning of NO. I was very close to losing my temper when one of those punks grabbed my cousins wrist to pull her up to dance and then wouldn’t let go. Thankfully, my friend stepped in because I probably would have left there in cuffs.

Anyway, despite the interruptions, we had a good time. I did spend a lot of the time outside smoking cigarettes in a conscious effort to not be around people. I guess the little breaks make me better able to deal with being out in public. I don’t like the public. I can manage it when I’m drinking or use other means, but if I have to be able to drive, it’s very hard, because I have to be “good”.

I’ll do my best to hold onto the good parts of the night. I did have to take a couple of anxiety pills, though. At one point I wanted to park my truck on the side of the road, leave the girls in it and walk home. There’s something about being around drunks when I’m not drunk that I can’t stand.

As for yesterday… It was a great day. My friend got dropped off to me at my PT appointment and we went and sat by the river with our ice coffees for about two hours and just chatted. It was wonderful. Then I took her to her appointment, we went to browse a bookstore, gave her sister a ride home from work, picked up her kid (ugh), took the kid home, then came back to my place to get dressed to go out. We had a small dinner sitting next to the river before we picked the other girls up and went to the bar. It was a good day. That’s what I need to focus on.



et cetera