notokinthehead











{July 26, 2013}   I Work for a Higher Power

And I don’t mean someone with a fancy job title who makes more money than I do.

Here’s how my day has gone, so far:
04:00am- small fire in a machine shop. Piece of cake.

04:40am- 62 year old male, heart attack. With some Aspirin and some Nitroglycerin we were able to stop it, temporarily, and get him to the hospital.

10:30am- 84 year old female with severe stomach pain and possibly bloody stools. Package and transport.

13:00pm- 76 year old male fell, definite broken hip/pelvis. We gave him pain meds before we moved him and transported him.

18:00pm- requested by State Police to respond and check on a 43 year old male who had been assaulted. Upon arrival we fund out that his 20 year old son used his face for a punching bag, and he was positive he didn’t have any facial fractures because he’d fractured almost every bone in his face when he was younger and a “brawler”. We did not transport him. Good thing because any technician sitting in the back of the ambulance with him would have gotten drunk off his breath.

Five calls in one day is a lot for my department. Sometimes we can go a week without a single call. I’m a volunteer firefighter/EMT. That’s why I say I work for a Higher Power. I do it because it’s a calling to help people, not for the puny paycheck. Even if I didn’t get paid a penny for going on these calls I would still do it. I’ve never done anything more rewarding than holding an elderly patients hand while he writhed in pain, or holding a Mother while she cries because her daughter just completed suicide. You can’t put an hourly rate on this job. It has to be in your heart. And you have to have a strong heart to do the job without becoming damaged yourself.



{June 26, 2013}   I Am Blessed

Allow me to be weird and somewhat sappy for a minute.

It’s only Tuesday but it’s been a really long week already. I’ve been suffering an awful headache since last Thursday (this is day #5) and I’ve been right out straight. We had a twenty-two year old girl complete suicide last Thursday via hanging and it seemed to go South from there. I’ve been busting my ass cleaning houses to make some money and in return I’ve been aggravating my back, neck and shoulder injuries. We had a house struck by lighting, a woman fall asleep while driving and hit another vehicle, a boating accident, an elderly lady hallucinating and seeing spiders (my greatest fear, right up there with clowns) and I’ve been involved with a Police investigation (I didn’t do anything, I’m a witness). Between doctor appointments, work and life in general I’ve felt like I’ve been living in my own little hell. Poor, poor, pitiful me, right? Well, I reflect on all of my complaints and think to myself: what do I have to complain about?

I’m alive. My loved ones are alive and well. I can walk, can usually talk and I’m not facing anything life-threatening at the moment. I have a job, or two, when so many people can’t seem to find work with this economy. I have food in my refrigerator, a roof over my head and I don’t want for much. I’m lucky enough to have the “extras” in life: a swimming pool, a luxury car, friends and family who care about me… it really could be worse. I guess it’s a good day when I’m the medical provider and not the patient. That may just be my new favorite pick-me-up saying.

I’m realizing that I am blessed. It’s a good feeling to realize it, and I think I’m making good use of my blessings by helping people in crisis. Even on days when I’m feeling down and can’t help myself, I can help someone else. As we joke about in EMS- I’m one of the chosen few. 😀



{June 14, 2013}   God Believes in Love

Love“Those who oppose marriage equality for gay or lesbian couples, pleading for us not to “redefine” marriage, do not understand that gay marriage only builds up the traditional meaning of marriage. We are not changing its meaning but merely revising the list of those to whom it is available. Not unlike the rather recent opening of legal marriage to interracial couples, the legal marriage of two same-gendered people retains the traditional meaning of marriage while expanding the number of people whom it may benefit.”

 

The above is an excerpt from Gene Robinson’s book God Believes in Love: Straight Talk About Gay Marriage. I’m reading this book now and when I came across this little paragraph it struck a chord with me. Could anyone possibly explain this better than he did?!



{January 9, 2013}   ~*Letter From God~*

I got a letter
from God today. In
it She told me
to be patient with
myself, with you, everything
would turn out okay.
She said She loves
me, loves you too,
despite how everyone tells
us we’re sinning, that
our love is against
Her will. She wrote
that Her purpose was
for us to love
one another, to help
each other and nurture
everyone around us. She
said we judge each
other too much, that’s
Her job. When we
judge others, it’s because
we need to feel
justified, powerful. But power
corrupts, power turns our
hearts and souls away
from love, away from
Her great purpose. I
noticed a tiny smudge
from a tear drop
on this letter She
sent me and I
understood then how
much She cares for
us, how much She
loves us. As I
read on, She taught
me about anger. Never
let it beat you
down, for words spoken
in anger are words
spoken from pain. She
said that not everyone
embraces Her or Her
existence, some people have
even turned against Her,
blaming Her for their
pain, for their losses,
their struggles. Despite their
denial of Her presence,
She says She still
loves them and She
is always with them,
guiding them with a
gentle hand, even if
they don’t know it.
Everyone goes to Heaven,
my Dear. You all
try your best and
you all share love.
that’s all I ever
wanted. So next time
you’re questioning yourself, or
me, just know I’m
proud of you, and
leave the rest up
to me.



{January 9, 2013}   I Got a Letter From God Today

I googled “it’s going to be okay quotes” and this is the first thing that popped up.

Letter From God

I entered that search term because I wanted some affirmation. I’m having a difficult time lately. I’m sick (strep throat, secondary infection), I’m hurting a lot (back, neck, shoulder) and I’ve had a monster headache since last Thursday- six days. I also just found out that I’m losing my medical insurance. Everything seems to be falling apart at the seams. Everything including me.

Stumbling across this today made me feel a bit better about it all. It’s a ride and all I have to do is hold on. Everything will work out.



{March 10, 2012}   *~The Devil Knows~*

The happiness mixed with the sadness
Yesterday and days before were good
Today and the next are uncertain
The sadness mixed with confusion
Unsure about the reasons to feel bad
Just knowing I can’t find a way back
The confusion mixed with anger
The unknown was too much to bear
Inability to admit to flaws fueled a fire
The anger mixed with pain
Antisocial is a label
It hurts to know I’ve changed
The pain mixed with tears
Hidden by the darkness of night
Rising from depths unclear
The tears mix with the rain
Keeping concerns at bay
For no one can see when I cry
The rain mixes with alcohol
Just to take the edge off
Dull the razors of sorrow.

How I got here, no one knows
Where the right went wrong is unknown
A mystery that can’t be solved
Frustrations that won’t be resolved
Like a puppet on a string
Listening, nodding, smiling
While inside I’m slowly dying
And these tears I can’t stop crying
No one knows the things I have to do
Just so another day I can make it through
A shot of whiskey won’t fix the problem
But it keeps me from hitting rock bottom
I know I’m selling my soul
To the fires down below
But I’m still praying to God to take me
I’m still trying to hold onto a belief
Because when all is said and done
I want Him to grip my hand and take me Home.



et cetera