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{November 3, 2013}   Remembering High School Hell

While sitting at the coffee shop late last night, doing my crossword puzzle, I kept getting distracted by giggles coming from the corner of the shop. The high-pitch giggling was coming from three teenage girls who seemed to be watching videos on one of those outrageously expensive iPhones. I couldn’t help but notice how much it looked like myself sitting there with a few friends in my High School Hell days. The three girls were all considered obese (much like myself and the friends I kept), they hid in a corner of the room (just like me and my friends did) and every time a good looking boy walked in to get a coffee they went all googly-eyed and giggly (just like we used to).

I really got to thinking about my teen years on my drive home. Not so much reminiscing, as I wouldn’t say my high school days were enjoyable, but more like remembering the hell I went through and dealt with on a daily basis. Much of the hell in my own mind. My thoughts came to rest on how I so badly wanted a boyfriend when I was with my friends, but how I was so head-over-heels in love with, 1. My Middle School Principal, 2. My Social Studies teacher, 3. My Algebra teacher and 4. My Algebra II teacher, who were all women. Of course I kept my fantasies to myself. I guess I’ve always known I’m a lesbian but I denied it for many years because it’s just not acceptable around here. I think I wanted a boyfriend so bad for a few reasons: 1. Maybe people would overlook how fat I was because I must be worth something- I have a boyfriend, 2. If I had a boyfriend then I had to love him, so I wouldn’t be so obsessed with my female teachers. Maybe I’d finally be normal? 3. Maybe I wouldn’t be such a social outcast anymore, because like the ‘popular’ girls, I’d also have a boyfriend- therefore I’d finally have something in common with the popular crowd other than my excellent grades.

Needless to say, boyfriend or no boyfriend, I never got “into guys”, though God knows I tried and I’m glad I didn’t. Women are pretty amazing. Looking back to those days makes me realize that I had to go through high school hell to find myself. I’m really glad I went through it back then because I couldn’t even imagine what it would be like to be going through it in my mid-twenties.



{April 1, 2013}   My Birthday Wish

I’m not one of those modest people who are always saying, “You don’t need to buy me birthday gifts, it’s just another day”. Nope, I love presents! However, my birthday wish this year is that everyone be happy, because when everyone around me is happy, I’m happy.

I’m super-sensitive to other’s moods, especially their bad moods. I literally feel for them and when something goes wrong for someone close to me it can very well fuck up my whole day, even after they get over it. Is that weird? I can scoop up a dead body and forget about it as soon as I hop back into the driver’s seat of the ambulance, but if my fellow firefighter is having a rough day I carry that with me all day.

So for my Birthday on Friday I just want everyone to be happy!!! And maybe a present or two 🙂



{March 18, 2013}   Bad Girl to Good Girl

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Wow, I’ve come a long way. In fact I’ve come from sitting in the back of a police cruiser a few years ago to riding shotgun with one of our finest. I just got off the phone with one of the Sergeants and he’s going to pick me up Friday night at 18:00 so I can ride around with him and possibly bust a few people. I’m so excited. I was going to ride with our female officer but she’s working week nights now and in our small town all of the exciting things happen on the weekend nights. So I happily accepted his offer for Friday. Maybe another time I can wiggle my way into her passenger seat.

It’s funny how some excitement can bring you loads of energy. Now what to do with it? Laundry? Paperwork? Boxing!



{March 10, 2013}   “Hey! Baby!”

Here’s a song that makes me daydream and makes me silly happy!



{March 9, 2013}   Unconditional Love

What’s better than unconditional love? Nothing. Who’s love for you will never waver? When you’re having a bad day or are absolutely miserable? Your pet. Mine happens to be Babe, my cat. She loves me no matter what. She loves me so much, she’ll sit through hours of an L Word marathon. That’s love.

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{January 21, 2013}   Today’s Song Sums It Up

I got my new car! Need I say more???



{March 4, 2012}   *~Dreaming Serenity~*

Peaceful-
As calm as the surface of a pond
on a stale summer day.
Cozy-
Like the warmth from the sun
after a long, hard winter.
Content-
As relaxed as a newborn
sleeping on her mother’s chest.

Oh, how coveted are these feelings
Where competition morphs into partnerships
Where the raging rivers dwindle into streams
Ah, the joy of watching storm clouds part
Where the blue skies caress the horizon
Where couples walk hand-in-hand, happy, free
Oh, how I dream of days filled with joy
Where all of my worries are swept away
Where Angels sing out as I walk the path
Ah, the comforts of believing in a better tomorrow
Where the warmth of the sun will caress my soul
Where I will walk hand-in-hand
With the woman that I love, who loves me…



et cetera