{April 8, 2013}   Humanity Is Sickening

I usually shelter myself from all of the cruelty humans inflict upon each other. I don’t watch the news and I don’t listen to reports on the radio. However, I do have a FaceBook account and terrifying news and stories are abound on the social media sites. I just read an article and I feel a little sick to my stomach now. Check it out:

The worst of all of these, in my opinion, is Urban Outfitters- “We’re not homophobic, we make clothes specifically designed for homosexuals… and then use their money to fight against their rights.” So basically they use us to finance their anti-gay campaigns. How sick is that?

And how about that Salvation Army official that said he believes homosexuals should be put to death? It’s entirely possible that if you checked his genealogy you’d find he’s a descendent of that psychopathic sadist Hitler. I’m not one to bash on the President of the United States but I have to wonder if he purposely sought out the votes of homosexuals and African Americans so he could just continue us down the path of destruction we’ve been on for the past five plus years? I don’t recall him being super supportive of gay rights during his first campaign for Presidency… but like I said before, I don’t really follow the news.

On a semi-related note, I found an interesting website. I don’t know about anyone else, but I know I feel a little uncomfortable when I go to see a physician (GYN, Therapist, Chiropractor) and they go on and on about their husband/boyfriend and then ask about mine. A lot of people assume that others are ‘straight’ and I run into that a lot, despite my obvious butch look. So I stumbled across this website where you can find LGBTQ healthcare providers and more. It’s worth a gander:


{February 23, 2013}   Winter Just Wasn’t My Season

kissesI had fun last night. With the exception of the gay kid we lent a ride to. He ended up getting plastered very quickly and rubbing his ass on my face a good portion of the night. Um, I’m not a dog! I don’t want anyone’s ass on my face. I had four beers, Bud Light of course, and saw a friend I haven’t seen in many months. The drive sucks, though. It’ll be a while before I go there again :/

Note: kissing random chicks at the bar earns you free drinks for the night 😉

Stubby went home last night. I kind of feel bad because they are planning on taking him to a shelter (the reason I took him in the first place) but I can’t risk the health of my Babe to save another cat. Not to mention Stubby sharpened his nails on every piece of furniture and doorway in my house and we couldn’t keep him off the kitchen counter (gross, our food is made there!). He’s a sweet, loving, beautiful cat who shouldn’t have much trouble finding another home. Bonus: He’s a pure-bred Maine Coon- a pricey, popular breed.

My punching bag came in yesterday 🙂  But my gloves aren’t here yet 😦  Patience: not my best quality by a long shot.

Today’s plans: nothing. I’m going to try to keep it that way.

I’ll leave you with the song of the day (a favorite of mine that a friend sang for me last night at karaoke):

{February 20, 2013}   Status: Soon-To-Be Cat Lady

Guess who came home with me when I finished house sitting? That cute, loving, adorable cat, Stubby:


Stubby stealing my heating pad and burying his head under my butt.

His name is Stubby because he’s a Maine Coon Cat and the breeders cut his tail off to a little stub when he was a tiny kitten. I think that’s cruel, myself. But it’s cute because his little stub does a little wiggle. He and Babe are trying to establish the Alpha at this point so they’re not really getting along. It seems they decide to fight most in the middle of the night when they both want to be in bed with me… ugh.

My little “relaxing” weekend didn’t go as planned. It was still relaxing, though. I didn’t read as much as I had planned to read… because I spent most of the weekend watching the full seasons of The L Word on my Kindle. So it was still a good weekend.

On Sunday we had three first alarms, two of them at the same time. All turned out to be simple calls, but it made for a hectic afternoon and evening. Since my lazy weekend I’ve had trouble getting my ass in gear. I went to physical therapy on Monday and it killed me. I haven’t been to any calls since then and I feigned a headache to skip out on my meeting at the hospital last night. I have a feeling my EMS coordinator is probably going to give me a hard time the next time I do show up but even that isn’t enough motivation for me to get my shit together. I get the feeling that I’m really screwing up. To top it all off, I lost my insurance so I’m quitting physical therapy ($210/week). Another issue with physical therapy is I’m very attracted to my physical therapist and we all know how that ended for me last time. Maybe I have a weird fetish for PT’s? All I know is I both can’t stand to spend those two hours per week with her and I can’t wait until the next appointment. Sigh.

Tonight I have enough motivation to go play some board and card games. Maybe it’s just responsibility that I’m having a hard time grasping right now?


{January 30, 2013}   You Just Want The Attention

Born Gay

I love Chelsea Handler! This pretty much says it all. A friend of mine (who I dated in junior high, turns out he’s gay, too. Ironic? Probably not. Ha!) posted this on FaceBook today and it made me smile big 😀

I have some plans that I’m looking forward to this weekend. I’m going to a nearby city to shop with a friend all day Friday and when I return Friday night, I’m going to pick up another friend and we’re going to Boston for the weekend. I’ll probably come back myself Saturday morning sometime like the party pooper I am, but we’re supposed to stay with her ill father while we’re down there and I know I can’t take much of that. Now if we were staying with our friend Cris, who’s old enough to be my mother but who I’ve had a major crush on since I was like fourteen, I’d stay as long as was financially possible. Hmm… it would be really cool if I could make that happen. But probably not on such short notice. Cris is actually the first lesbian I ever crushed on. Actually… she’s the only lesbian that I know of that I’ve crushed on.

Today’s song has a nostalgic feeling about it for me. I love it!


{January 29, 2013}   Ill Discoveries

Meaning things I discovered while in bed recuperating from that killer migraine and the exhausted laziness that settled in after it was gone.

1. I can watch all of the seasons of The L Word  for free on my Kindle using my Amazon Prime membership.

2. I can watch several gay/lesbian genre movies on my Kindle for free using my Amazon Prime membership.

3. I can stay in my room for two days straight and no one notices that I’m ‘missing’ (Hmmm, good or bad?).


And Then Came LolaLast night I watched a movie called And Then Came Lola (found under lesbian movies). It was a good movie. It’s a little bit confusing in the beginning because they do three different takes of the same scene throughout the movie. But once you figure it out it makes perfect sense. You’ll find yourself cheering on Lola and trying to tell her what to do differently (kind of like in horror movies when you find yourself yelling “don’t look behind the shower curtain fool!”). Don’t worry, she figures it out! The best thing about this lesbian drama is that it’s not all about sex and nudity. I can’t stand how so many lesbian movies portray lesbians as being horny sex toys. You do see some skin in this movie but there’s no real nudity. At least someone knows how to leave something to the imagination.

You should totally watch it. And you have no excuse not to if you have an Amazon Prime membership, because it’s free!

These Things Hidden

I just finished reading Heather Gudenkauf’s novel These Things Hidden. Excellent read! Just when you think you have the hidden things (secrets) figured out, she reveals the truths and they’re not at all what you expected. She keeps the mystery going, suspense-fully, right to the last page of the book. I can’t possibly give it a good enough review, you just have to read it for yourself.

My goal is to be completely lazy (except when my pager goes off) until I have to get my shit together to see my therapist Thursday morning. That gives me two days for myself, for my selfishness. I’ve been selfish a lot lately and I’m slowly learning to like it. That could be a good thing, or it could be a bad thing. I guess it depends on how you look at it, or how far I take it 😉

{January 11, 2013}   Epidemic!
The 2012 Influenza Virus under a super-powerful microscope. How is something so pretty so devastating? Sounds like some of the girls I've known. Hah!

The 2012 Influenza Virus under a super-powerful microscope. How is something so pretty so devastating? Sounds like some of the girls I’ve known. Hah!

Wow. There have been fourteen flu-related deaths in my state so far this flu season and they’re saying we’re not even in the flu season yet. Unfortunately this is why I have to skip out on so many EMS calls. I got the influenza and pneumonia vaccinations and so did my Mother, but the doctor still suggested we be careful because (in his words) “the flu this year is resisting the vaccinations”. So any general-sickness calls or calls where the patient tells dispatch that they have the flu or pneumonia, I can’t go. So that leaves me going to diabetic emergencies, car accidents and fires (that’s all we really get around here).

Now onto a completely different, much more interesting subject; I’m reading This Is How by Augusten Burroughs. It’s interesting in a much different way than his other books that I’ve read. “How To Find Love” is the most captivating and thought-provoking chapter that I’ve read yet (I’m about to start “How To Be Confident”). In it Augusten writes about how we are so caught up in our own routines that we’re basically keeping ourselves from finding our “soul mate”. He provides a few examples like if we go to the same convenient store and deal with the same clerk all the time, then we’re limiting ourselves socially.Augusten's This Is How He suggests stepping out of our comfort zones. Instead of going to that same Sunoco, try going to the Circle K down the street for once. To sum it up simply: if we have been going to the same places for X amount of time and haven’t found our “soul mate”, then chances are, we won’t find them in those places. I’m guilty as sin when it comes to routine. I always go to the same gas station (same old man taking my money), same grocery store (same old high-school drop-outs with their baby bumps) and the same convenient store for my cigarettes (same old ex-smoker who lectures me every time). There’s a reason behind it for me, though. Meeting new people and sticking my neck out there frightens me. Literally gives me those goose bumps I get when the house creaks all by itself in the middle of the night. But what’s stopping you? I might even give it a whirl, not to find love, but to maybe work on meeting new people for a change. I said maybe.

And I’m kind of excited for the next chapter- How To Be Confident.

{January 9, 2013}   ~*Letter From God~*

I got a letter
from God today. In
it She told me
to be patient with
myself, with you, everything
would turn out okay.
She said She loves
me, loves you too,
despite how everyone tells
us we’re sinning, that
our love is against
Her will. She wrote
that Her purpose was
for us to love
one another, to help
each other and nurture
everyone around us. She
said we judge each
other too much, that’s
Her job. When we
judge others, it’s because
we need to feel
justified, powerful. But power
corrupts, power turns our
hearts and souls away
from love, away from
Her great purpose. I
noticed a tiny smudge
from a tear drop
on this letter She
sent me and I
understood then how
much She cares for
us, how much She
loves us. As I
read on, She taught
me about anger. Never
let it beat you
down, for words spoken
in anger are words
spoken from pain. She
said that not everyone
embraces Her or Her
existence, some people have
even turned against Her,
blaming Her for their
pain, for their losses,
their struggles. Despite their
denial of Her presence,
She says She still
loves them and She
is always with them,
guiding them with a
gentle hand, even if
they don’t know it.
Everyone goes to Heaven,
my Dear. You all
try your best and
you all share love.
that’s all I ever
wanted. So next time
you’re questioning yourself, or
me, just know I’m
proud of you, and
leave the rest up
to me.

{January 7, 2013}   I’ll Come Back Around

JAPSo after not reading any books for too long of a stretch of time I went to my library and checked out a couple. I read one the day I got it: Far From Xanadu by Julie Anne Peters. Man, I love her work! It was hands down one of her best books. So relate-able, smooth, easy to read. It makes you realize what those feelings are that you’ve felt before. It makes you feel a little less alien-ish. It’s heart-wrenching and heart-melting. It’s definitely one I will reread over and over!Tilt

Now I’m onto Tilt by Ellen Hopkins. I love her books, too, because they’re written in the form of poems, they keep your mind engaged and they’re written from the viewpoint of young adults who are facing different hardships. I’ll let you know how much I like it when I’m finished 🙂

Getting back into reading is a start for me. We got some good news about my Mother’s illness. The Pulmonologist has put her on a trial and if it works like they hope it will, and if she takes the medications like she’s supposed to, she could have ten or more years. I’ll take that. It’s a hell of a lot better than six months to maybe a few years. I’ve been very busy this last week changing things around the house that the Pulmonologist said had to be changed if she is to get the maximum amount of time and the best quality of her life. I removed the carpets, painted the walls, replaced the curtains and drapes with blinds and put down a hardwood laminate floor. The floor was a real bitch, too. I got it finished last night. Thank God I’m more like my Dad than my Mom when it comes to being handy. So, being a tomboy my entire life isn’t such a bad thing. 🙂

{December 15, 2012}   *~Silent Break~*

Silent Break

I weep quietly

over something that

was never mine.

I long to

grasp the hand

that I only

held for a

moment in time.

I miss the

sighs that I

should be able

to hear every




green eye tearIt’s amazing how

you captivated my

heart, hypnotized my

mind in such

a short span

of time. I

still think of

you when I

lay awake at

night, my memory

replays our brief

union when I

get in my

car and drive.

I see your

prayingdark brown eyes,

your smile, so

warm and kind.

I feel your

hands pressing against

my back, caressing

so gently, so

lovingly. I hear

your whispers in

my ears, I

taste your soul

in my very

own tears…

{November 7, 2012}   I Like Spaghetti

I stumbled across this on FaceBook and wanted to share it 🙂

et cetera