{November 3, 2013}   Remembering High School Hell

While sitting at the coffee shop late last night, doing my crossword puzzle, I kept getting distracted by giggles coming from the corner of the shop. The high-pitch giggling was coming from three teenage girls who seemed to be watching videos on one of those outrageously expensive iPhones. I couldn’t help but notice how much it looked like myself sitting there with a few friends in my High School Hell days. The three girls were all considered obese (much like myself and the friends I kept), they hid in a corner of the room (just like me and my friends did) and every time a good looking boy walked in to get a coffee they went all googly-eyed and giggly (just like we used to).

I really got to thinking about my teen years on my drive home. Not so much reminiscing, as I wouldn’t say my high school days were enjoyable, but more like remembering the hell I went through and dealt with on a daily basis. Much of the hell in my own mind. My thoughts came to rest on how I so badly wanted a boyfriend when I was with my friends, but how I was so head-over-heels in love with, 1. My Middle School Principal, 2. My Social Studies teacher, 3. My Algebra teacher and 4. My Algebra II teacher, who were all women. Of course I kept my fantasies to myself. I guess I’ve always known I’m a lesbian but I denied it for many years because it’s just not acceptable around here. I think I wanted a boyfriend so bad for a few reasons: 1. Maybe people would overlook how fat I was because I must be worth something- I have a boyfriend, 2. If I had a boyfriend then I had to love him, so I wouldn’t be so obsessed with my female teachers. Maybe I’d finally be normal? 3. Maybe I wouldn’t be such a social outcast anymore, because like the ‘popular’ girls, I’d also have a boyfriend- therefore I’d finally have something in common with the popular crowd other than my excellent grades.

Needless to say, boyfriend or no boyfriend, I never got “into guys”, though God knows I tried and I’m glad I didn’t. Women are pretty amazing. Looking back to those days makes me realize that I had to go through high school hell to find myself. I’m really glad I went through it back then because I couldn’t even imagine what it would be like to be going through it in my mid-twenties.

{February 28, 2013}   90’s Baby


I’m a true 90’s baby. Today while beating the pulp out of my heavy bag I rocked out to the 90’s music channel. Got a little bit of Real McCoy, Third Eye Blind, The Divinyls, Cece Peniston and Jay Z in. These artists and their songs bring back good memories, from before high school hell. Specifically before all of the new video games and shit started, when it was cool to pop on your WalkMan and walk through the woods or to the Church playground. Man, things were simple back then. I could sit on the swings at the Church playground without another soul in sight and my parents didn’t have to worry about creeps and child abductors. I played outside, internet was something the rich kids had, not me, and even then when I went to the library to use the internet I had to wait ten minutes for the dial up connection. Texting wasn’t even imaginable and my Mom’s cell phone was the size of my work boot.
Funny how things change in just a few years. If only we could go back to the simpler times, even for just a day!

et cetera