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{November 11, 2013}   My Playlist

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“I’m gonna make it to the top, well let me show you, and if I’ve got to toughen up then that is what I’ll do, don’t make me a monster, baby, you’d be crazy, that’s for sure…” ~Jem

Nonessential information: I have a routine I must follow or I go completely ballistic- Go to Dunkin’ Donuts every Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday night at ten o’clock in the evening to get my medium, hot, French Vanilla, extra-extra with a shot of espresso and three ice cubes. Then I sit in my car in the parking lot, listening to music, and drink exactly half of the coffee before taking the long way home. I need this time, this constant, or I go totally ape-shit.

My current playlist is:
1.) “24” by Jem
2.) “Good Enough” by Sarah McLaughlin
3.) “In the Arms of an Angel” by Sarah McLaughlin
4.) “Save Me” by Jem
5.) “Seduces Me” by Celine Dion
6.) “They” by Jem
7.) “Come Over Here” by Sarah Bettens
8.) “Dreamin’ of You” by Celine Dion
9.) “Adia” by Sarah McLaughlin
10.) “Do What You Have to Do” by Sarah McLaughlin
11.) “Falling Into You” by Celine Dion
12.) “Fire on the Mountain” by Rob Thomas
13.) “I Always Knew” by Jem
14.) “Just Stay Here Tonight” by Augustana
15.) “Thank You” by Dido

Because fifteen songs is way too many to post the videos of I chose a few of my favorites, three that really speak to me at the moment:



{October 20, 2013}   A Cat? A Dog? A Toddler?
Babe and I reading a book.

Babe and I reading a book.

My cat, Babe, doesn’t seem to know what she is. She looks like a cat, acts like a dog and sits like a toddler in it’s mother’s lap. However, Babe is my best friend in the world. She’s nonjudgmental, she loves me no matter what mood I’m in, she doesn’t nag or ask endless questions and she’s always loving. If Babe were a person instead of a cat she’d be my soul mate, not doubt.

This revelation comes at a time when I’m mourning a friendship that has recently ended. I was pretty much over it when it ended, it was me who said “enough, I can’t do this anymore”, but the former friend won’t let sleeping dogs lie. She is understandably angry about how the friendship suddenly ceased to be and it seems that every other day she is texting me something outrageous and accusing. This is very much the reason I had to end the friendship in the way that I did. She is mentally ill and refuses to seek help. Unfortunately, I cannot help her and I was hoping that by walking away like I did she would realize that her friends have disappeared one by one and by no one’s fault except her own, and somehow she would see that she needs to get help. So far it has not worked out that way. This evening while driving around and enjoying my music I received yet another unpleasant text from this woman. She is now accusing me of stealing $5,000 from her… last week. It’s been at least a month since I’ve seen her. She’s calling me every name in the book and then some and accusing me of stealing the money from her and threatening to call the police. Oh how I hope she does. It would make me feel better. I’ve done a lot for her in the past eight years and it really hurts that she would pull something like this. I wouldn’t take a penny from someone without asking and then I’d give them a dollar to pay them back. THAT’S the type of person I am. I guess the only thing I can do is ignore the texts and try to convince myself that she doesn’t matter and anyone who does matter won’t believe her absurd stories.

I’m learning that being a good person only gets you heartache and pain. At this rate I will be a bitter cat lady within the next five years.



{September 4, 2013}   I’m A Big Kid Now

LGI finally broke down and ordered a new cell phone… a touch screen phone. I guess I’m finally growing up, or just breaking down and following trends? I’ve had the old flip-style phones since I got my very first cell phone ten years ago. However I’ve never had much luck with them: one went swimming in the river on a kayaking trip, one got washed with my clothes, two got thrown and smashed, one got run over by a firetruck and my latest one, the one I have now, is worn out. Half of the buttons no longer work and I’m going through texting withdrawals. So I got on the computer, felt like I was cheating on a significant other, and researched cell phones. I’ve decided to go with Straight Talk and the L38G Optimus Dynamic LG. It should be here Monday and I’ll be put to the test. I have all I can manage to use my Kindle Fire HD because it’s a touch-screen and there’s no keyboard or mouse. I’m quite technologically challenged, to say the least. I do feel confident in my latest endeavor, though. The only thing that disappoints me is that I cannot seem to find a case for it with either a Maltese Cross (fire department symbol) or the Star of Life (EMS symbol). I can’t even find a decent-looking pink camouflage case. So it looks like I’m going to have to settle for a plain pink and black case.

I guess I could be having far worse troubles than a physically disabled cell phone and not getting exactly what I want.

On the very bright side of things I’m finally getting into the Pain Clinic on Friday and will be able to get more pain meds. That will be a huge relief and help me out tremendously. I’ve spent much too much time working on the computer at my office for the last few weeks and my body does not like it. Deadlines are evil, I like to freelance!



{September 3, 2013}   ~*Take My Time*~

Take My Time



{July 11, 2013}   Another Sleepless Night

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โ€œShe only drinks coffee at midnight/when the moment is not right/and the timing is quite unusual/you see her confidence is tragic/but her intuition’s magic/and the shape of her body, unusual…” -Meet Virginia, Train



{July 1, 2013}   *~You Make Me Stupid~*

You Make Me Stupid



My Best friend got me this shirt today, after we went to see The Heat. Apparently Angry Cat is fitting for me. Haha. Angry Cat actually looks a lot like my cat, Babe, lately… she’s doesn’t do well with the heat and humidity, it makes her super cranky. Me too!

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Changes

The quote above hit a chord with me, somewhere deep inside. It’s a very true, almost crude, quote. My “best friend” is now miles away in heart and mind, though she moved into a home closer to me physically. We never get together for coffee anymore and forget about our little excursions out of town. She’s so preoccupied with her new home and it seems her head is too far up her ass to realize that the world doesn’t revolve around her. I can only do so much when I get nothing in return, emotionally.

On the other side of things, I’ve gained many more good friends and family (my brothers at the Fire Department) both near and far. These amazing people would give their lives for me without a second thought, which is so much more than a lot of people feel from their loved ones.

I’ve also learned a lot about people in the last year. They will use you, they will cut you just to watch you bleed and if you don’t follow your gut feelings, your instincts, you will end up hurt. Like my Dad says about me, if I were on a jury they would have to prove their innocence, not their guilt, because I trust no one until they prove to me that they are trustworthy. Or I get blinded by “love” or lust. But if you’re lucky enough to find one of the few truly good people in this world, hold on to them, realize just how blessed you are to be a part of their lives, and they’ll feel the same towards you. There really is no greater feeling in this life than to be able to trust someone completely, with every fiber of your being.

And if you can’t trust them completely… don’t enter a burning building with them! Haha. And of course, always remember:

Critics



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{June 16, 2013}   *~Not Mine~*
I'm having fun applying my poem to photo-shopped pictures :)

I’m having fun applying my poems to photo-shopped pictures ๐Ÿ™‚



et cetera