notokinthehead











{August 6, 2013}   ~*Love Letter*~

Love Letter



{July 30, 2013}   ~*New Beginnings*~ (Revised)
Summer Storm

A photo I captured immediately after a violent storm tore through.



{July 19, 2013}   ~*New Beginnings*~

The sky blackens with threatening clouds
the breeze becomes a violent wind
the hair on my arms stand up
my pulse quickened.

I watch the lightning strike
feel th thunder rattle my bones
I close my eyes to the flashes
feel the cool rain on my skin.

The sun peaks through cracks in the clouds
thunder fades and birds are singing
tiny beads of water coat the foliage
the summer storm has passed…
… leaving life in it’s path.



{January 26, 2013}   *~The Monster~*

I feel the
Tension coiled in
My belly, knotted
In a spiral,
A snake preparing
To strike out.
Deadly poison leaking
From the teeth,
Sinking into my
Thick, round, blue
Vein, pumping through
My core, dispersing
Throughout my body,
Overtaking me entirely.
I become the
Beast I so
Feared, vicious and
Utterly selfish, taking
For my own
Greed, handing out
Pain and death
Sentences, only happy
To share my
Own betrayals and
Griefs. Once bitten,
The sick magic
Forces you to
Forward it, pass
It along like
A contagious disease.
A disease, indeed,
It is. A
Force to be
Reckoned with, your
Personal strength your
Only superpower. Are
You strong enough
To beat the
Monster at his
Own game?



{January 22, 2013}   Too Much at Once

I’ve buried myself in reading today. The reason is quite simple: Too many people asking too much of me at the same time. They should all know by now that, that results in me giving 0.00%.

FirehouseI finished reading Firehouse by David Halberstam and have started and nearly finished reading Fallout by Ellen Hopkins. Firehouse was a very good book. It tells the true stories of a firehouse and the firehouse family in a borough of NYC and how the 9/11 massacre changed their lives. It’s riveting and a page turner. Once I started it, I couldn’t put it down. I’m very thankful that we do not have highrises where I live, and ever grateful for the tedious calls we get. As for Fallout, I’ll give a better report when I’m finished with reading it, but so it’s also a page turner. I’ve said it a million times before but I’ll say it again: I love Ellen Hopkins’ style of writing (poetry form). So raw and every bit as addicting as the drugs she writes about.

Maybe tomorrow I will get my shit together again. I’m just overwhelmed for today. I have an appointment to take my (new!) car to the garage first thing tomorrow morning, so I’d better try to get some sleep.

Today’s song is very appropriate for my mood this evening. A long-time friend of mine always says that this song sounds like me:



{January 9, 2013}   ~*Letter From God~*

I got a letter
from God today. In
it She told me
to be patient with
myself, with you, everything
would turn out okay.
She said She loves
me, loves you too,
despite how everyone tells
us we’re sinning, that
our love is against
Her will. She wrote
that Her purpose was
for us to love
one another, to help
each other and nurture
everyone around us. She
said we judge each
other too much, that’s
Her job. When we
judge others, it’s because
we need to feel
justified, powerful. But power
corrupts, power turns our
hearts and souls away
from love, away from
Her great purpose. I
noticed a tiny smudge
from a tear drop
on this letter She
sent me and I
understood then how
much She cares for
us, how much She
loves us. As I
read on, She taught
me about anger. Never
let it beat you
down, for words spoken
in anger are words
spoken from pain. She
said that not everyone
embraces Her or Her
existence, some people have
even turned against Her,
blaming Her for their
pain, for their losses,
their struggles. Despite their
denial of Her presence,
She says She still
loves them and She
is always with them,
guiding them with a
gentle hand, even if
they don’t know it.
Everyone goes to Heaven,
my Dear. You all
try your best and
you all share love.
that’s all I ever
wanted. So next time
you’re questioning yourself, or
me, just know I’m
proud of you, and
leave the rest up
to me.



{January 5, 2013}   ~*The Burning*~

It’s been a while since I’ve written any ‘poetry’. You know it’s from the heart when it strikes you from out of nowhere.

Heart In Hands

Surrounded by flames,

yellow-orange, dancing

shadows all around.

Sweet fragrances teasing

my senses, pulling

me into fantasies

of security, warmth,

contentment. For this

short stretch of

time, for this

one hour, for

a few moments,

I am free.

I am whole.

I am part

of every sight,

smell, sound and

taste. I am

light as the

air I float

upon.

The end of

time comes, I

huff and I

puff, I blow

the flames out.

I drop violently

back to reality,

the acrid odor

of a wick

burnt out the

only reminder of

the happiness I

must leave behind.

I revisit my

safe place time

and time again.

To feel the

freedom, to feel

nothing, to feel

all emotions blended

at once. One

day I will

dance as the

flickering flames do.

I will feel

the heat of

the burning.



{December 15, 2012}   *~Silent Break~*

Silent Break

I weep quietly

over something that

was never mine.

I long to

grasp the hand

that I only

held for a

moment in time.

I miss the

sighs that I

should be able

to hear every

night.

 

 

green eye tearIt’s amazing how

you captivated my

heart, hypnotized my

mind in such

a short span

of time. I

still think of

you when I

lay awake at

night, my memory

replays our brief

union when I

get in my

car and drive.

I see your

prayingdark brown eyes,

your smile, so

warm and kind.

I feel your

hands pressing against

my back, caressing

so gently, so

lovingly. I hear

your whispers in

my ears, I

taste your soul

in my very

own tears…



{November 19, 2012}   *~Cold Sun~*

The heat of

the sun caressing

my skin warms

me through and

through, yet I

still shudder from

the chill in

my soul.

 

The light from

the blazing star

makes me squint,

yet my eyes

stay wide open,

always searching for

something.

 

Contentment and joy

evade me, moving

all about me,

but staying out

of my reach.

I strive to

reach the stars,

but every time

I find myself

hitting the ground

hard.

 

When will I

wake up from

the nightmare I

call life? When

will I feel

God smile down

on me once

again? When will

I be able

to hold my

head up high?

I keep holding

onto hope, like

someone stranded at

sea, but the

closer I look,

the further dry

land is from

me.



{November 18, 2012}   *~Mind Fog~*

In these times
things get a
little crazy, my
mind spins out
of control, my
thoughts no longer
my own. Sadness
takes it’s hold
on me, drags
me down into
the depths of
despair, I begin
gasping for fresh
air, but everything
becomes polluted, fresh
water somehow gets
diluted, and a
choking fog clouds
over my vision.
Nothing looks quite
right, nothing gives
me delight, every
movement is torture
in the night.
For everything I
need I have
to fight, this
isn’t supposed to
be my life.
How did it
all go south
so fast? How
did my future
become my past?
How did it
all slip right
by me, my
dreams eluding me?
It’s starting to
feel like this
is it, there’s
nothing more to
my existence. How
do you overcome
the sadness that’s
taken hold of
All your moments?
How do you
rid yourself of
the overwhelming dread?



et cetera