notokinthehead











{November 27, 2012}   How To… Legally

Great title for a book. Now someone needs to write it and let us know how to do things legally. Like knock some sense into someone, or literally push someone out of your life, without the above being labeled as assault. There has to be a loophole somewhere, right? Well, until then I guess I need to figure out how to be a big girl and use my words. My problem is that I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or make them feel bad about themselves, so I let them use me and hurt me. Then it goes too far, I get in too deep and I can’t find a way out to save my life. I’m already hurt and the angry side of me says to hurt the aggressor worse than they hurt me, but then there’s that little insecure piece of me that says not to burn bridges, to put my big girl panties on and deal with it. Are you following me on this?

Anyway… I need to figure out how to grow a back bone and tell this guy to leave me alone because I’m not interested, nor will I ever be interested, in him and I want to do it in a way that saves both of us face. How to???

Here’s a good “how to?” question: How do you be friends with a guy and stay friends with him, without him wanting more?



{October 13, 2012}   Confusion At It’s Best

I had a good time at the movies last night. Pitch Perfect was very funny! I also enjoyed my company, who took me for Chinese before the movie. We had a great time sharing stories and after the movie we went back to their apartment and just hung out watching TV. There were no expectations of anything other than having a good time with each other, which is what I so desperately need: someone who doesn’t expect anything from me.

I’m not one of those girls who falls head-over-heels in love in no time. Actually… I’ve never fallen head-over-heels in love. I actually have a fear of depending on people for anything. Probably because so many people have let me down. So we’re taking it slow. We have to be friends before anything else can occur, before feelings can go any deeper. It takes quite a bit to earn my trust. The secret to earning my trust is gentle persistence. Show me that you’re interested, but don’t get obsessive about it. I don’t want you blowing up my phone a hundred times a day or leaving me ten messages on FaceBook. I’ll get back to you when I’m ready. This person seems to understand that.

But I’m still swirling in confusion.

Today’s song is Leave Me Alone (I’m Lonely) by Pink:



{March 21, 2012}   *~Broken Promises~*

Photo I took of the sunset in Florida.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this
We made each other a promise
Sit down and unclench your fists
We keep going around and around
Until we knock each other down
Yelling names rolling on the ground
Yeah, drink some more alcohol
Am I more tolerable now?
Are you ready to hear me out?
I have a lot of things bottled up inside
You’re going to listen if it takes all night
Why is it so hard for you to look me in the eyes?
Every time you open your mouth it’s lies
Don’t you think I deserve some truth?
When did it become either me or you?
Don’t you appreciate anything I do?
We used to be so good together
Now I can’t wait for all this to be over
You think life without me is better?
I can’t imagine my life without you
I don’t believe you when you say we’re through
We’re both tiring of this dance we do
Neither of us can let go of our pride
Would you feel better if I cried?
Things will look better in the morning light
It’s just another stupid fight
So rest your head and close your eyes
And while you sleep I’ll hold you tight.



{March 2, 2012}   *~Find Me~*

I’m loitering at the lost and found
Waiting for someone to come around
I’m not perfect, I’m damaged at best
But some say I’m a beautiful mess
Someone will find me, nurse my wounds
With a gentle touch, all of the pain will be soothed.

I know there’s someone gazing down from above
Someone who will help me once again to love
I believe there’s someone looking over me
Someone who has carved out my destiny
He meant for me to become so much more-
Said it’s too early to go knocking on Heavens’ door.

I’m waiting for you at the lost and found
I know if I wait long enough, you’ll come around
You’ll see that I’ve found courage to keep on
Patiently waiting for you to grow strong
I need you to find me and take me home
Take my hand, I can’t wait anymore, Mom…



et cetera