{August 10, 2012}   A Little Bit of Good News

I passed my Practical Examination yesterday! With flying colors!  🙂

The exam included: Patient Assessment, Cardiac Arrest Management, Airway Management, Short Boarding and Splinting.

Now all I have to do is pass the dreaded NR-EMT exam (National Registry for EMT’s exam) and I will be an EMT!

The funny thing is, I thought I would feel different, smarter, more important, like I have some kind of meaning. But I don’t. I don’t feel any different now than I did two months ago before I started taking the class. The only thing different is that everybody is “so proud” of me. I’ve gotten a lot of support from the guys at my Fire Dept, but my family… eh, they don’t seem to care. And that is discouraging.

{August 7, 2012}   Surprise!

I was supposed to take my National EMT Registry exam on Friday. During lunch time today I was informed that I would be taking the exam TODAY at four-thirty. Panic set in real quick. The next three and a half hours were miserable with worry and anxiety. I have taken so much Ativan today that I should probably be comatose right now, but here I am. I took the exam. I’m pretty sure I tanked it. I don’t have a good feeling about it at all. During the test I wasn’t confident about any of my answers. I’m still not confident that I answered them correctly. I am confident, however, that I FAILED the exam. I’m pretty upset about it, even though I don’t know for sure. I won’t get my results until tomorrow or Thursday, but I’m so convinced that I tanked it that I’m not anxious about the results. There’s no doubt in my mind that I flunked it.

So basically I just feel like crap now.

{July 16, 2012}   Getting Nervous

My EMT class starts tomorrow and I’m getting nervous. Crazy thoughts keep going through my mind like: Once I’m certified, peoples lives will be in my hands. What if I screw up and do more harm than good? What if I overlook the smallest thing and the patient pays the price?

I wonder if this is normal for soon-to-be EMTs? At this point I’m lacking the confidence that it’s going to take to be a good EMT. Or student, for that matter. I’m told the class that I’m attending is a large one with a lot of students. That makes me nervous, I do better in more intimate settings. I’m praying that I can keep my anxiety at bay so I can get through this class.

On the bright side I see my psychotherapist this morning, so I think our forty-five minutes will be dedicated to calming my nerves and anxiety and pep-talks. So far everybody on the department and most everybody in my family believes in me and supports me in this new venture. I guess I worry about letting them down. What if I don’t pass my clinical? Or practicals or CBTs? I have it in my mind that the testing is a one-shot deal, but in reality you can keep doing the testing until you pass it. But if I fail the first time, does that mean I’m not cut out for being an EMT?

Oh the questions and worries!

{July 12, 2012}   Five Days :)

I will begin my EMT class in FIVE days!!! I’m super excited about it. I love being on the Fire/Rescue Department, but once I take the class I’ll be actually be able to DO something more than paperwork and gofer-work. I don’t want to get ahead of myself, but I’m already considering taking more classes after this one so I can keep working my way up in the EMT world. The class I’m going to start next week is for EMT-B (Basic) and that certification is very limited in what it will allow me to do for patient care. So my next step would be EMT-I (Intermediate), which would allow me to do a bit more for patient care. The ultimate goal would be EMT-Medic, which is a paramedic, which would allow me to do SOOO much more for patient care, IV’s, Medication, Intubation, etc.

Like I said, I don’t want to get ahead of myself though. Let’s just focus on my immediate task: EMT-B.

Update on my brother: I spent the day with him yesterday, they did another surgery and inserted a drain in his rectum to drain the fluid from his pelvis. He’s feeling a lot better now. He has color back in his face, he’s eating, his fever is gone and his pain level has decreased significantly. We were thinking he may be home today, but it’s looking like they may keep him still and leave the drain in a little while longer.

et cetera