{January 6, 2014}   Early Bird

My drive and the sunrise Friday morning. Gorgeous after getting a foot of snow overnight!

We’ve gotten a lot of snow over the last week. Between two storms we got just over two feet of it.
I saw a surgeon last Monday and he backed out of doing my surgery because it’s “beyond his scope”. So Friday morning I saw another surgeon and he’s willing to operate on my shoulder. I have a SLAP (superior labrum anterior to posterior) tear that involves the bicep tendon. I go in Thursday morning for the operation that is expected to take four to six hours. In addition to anchoring the labrum he has to cut my upper arm open, cut the bicep tendon, grind a chunk of bone from my humorous and reattach the tendon to my humorous. The surgeon expects the recovery to take anywhere from six to twelve months, the first three of which will be spent with my dominant arm in a rigid brace instead of a sling.
I will have a lot of time to think, that’s for sure. I won’t be able to do much of anything else. Even driving is out if the question for as long as I’m in the brace 😦
BUT… I will come back stronger than ever!

{December 15, 2013}   Buried Alive


It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas! I’m not real excited about it. Here in New England we got about a foot of snow over the course of nine hours last night. It’s snowing again now. I was called to staff my ambulance at three this morning and there was about five inches of snow on the roads that hadn’t yet been touched by a plow. Welcome to New England! Driving visibility was zero and it was only four degrees out.
I will admit that when it snows while I’m sleeping and I wake up in the morning I am in awe. How something so quiet, silent even, can do so much so quickly, cause such a big change. It’s amazing.
Off to clean up the silent monster!

{July 30, 2013}   ~*New Beginnings*~ (Revised)
Summer Storm

A photo I captured immediately after a violent storm tore through.

Yep, summer has officially begun.

Car accidents, boating accidents and houses struck by lightning sums up my busy day.

I’m on the third floor and it’s eighty-six degrees in my bedroom. HOT! I’ve got an air cooler that you put water in and it’s supposed to be kind of like an A/C unit. Well, it doesn’t seem to be doing anything, so I ran down to the Fire Station where we have an awesome ice machine and got a bucket of ice. I dumped a bunch of ice in the water intake and then set a bowl of it behind the unit, where the air intake is. I’m hoping it helps cool it down a little. It’s much too hot and humid to sleep.

Hopefully tomorrow is a bit quieter. I have a muscle knot in my neck that is actually visible to the naked eye, it’s so big, and I’m hoping to get it taken care of tomorrow before this headache completely consumes me.

Before the storms rolled in today.

Before the storms rolled in today.

Well it won't be a complete washout.

Well it won’t be a complete washout.

As you all know I’m going to be in Boston for the last weekend of Pride festivities. So is Andrea… Tropical Storm Andrea. She’s supposed to drop in Friday night into Saturday. That’s okay. What I’m really looking forward to is the block party on Sunday. I have a brand new pair of men’s black cargo shorts and a plaid short sleeve shirt to wear to the block party so I can look my best butch, aka- be myself and be comfortable.

I had a pretty awesome dream this morning just before I woke up. I was again seeing my former physical therapist (for physical therapy- this is the therapist I had a little affair with) and she was giving me the best back massage. After the massage she gave me a greeting card that she’d written in. It said: “I love u. I miss u. Please call me sometime soon. I need u.”. After I read the card I looked back up at her and she gave me a big hug and a kiss on the corner of my mouth. Her lips were so hot they felt like they could burn me.

Then I woke up and my face was laying on my heating pad. I may actually have a slight first degree burn on the side of my face. Go ahead, laugh it up.

Today’s song is one that has been stuck in my head. I know I’ve posted it before but it’s too good not to share again. It’s by Rob Thomas and it’s basically asking how you can be content with yourself when there’s so much destruction being wrought on humanity and the world. Rock on:


poollightningIt was a hot, humid ninety-six degrees out today so I spent a couple of hours in my pool. All of a sudden the sky turned black, so I hopped out of the pool and on my way into the house I heard the first rumble of thunder. I quickly got dried off and dressed in anticipation of fire alarms being set off by lightning. I no sooner pulled my shirt on and my pager sounded for a tree down on wires and on fire. I raced to the station, hopped in an engine and went to the scene. As I was backing the engine into the station my pager sounded again for a transformer on fire, so we took off again. We went straight from that call to another tree on fire on power lines blocking the road. We quickly cleared that scene to respond to another transformer on fire. I worked four calls in an hour and a half. Once I finished my reports I returned home for some dinner and my pager again reminded me that I live to serve others and my needs come last. A fifteen year old girl attempted suicide by overdosing on her antidepressants. She told me she was done getting picked on and she just doesn’t see any point in “sticking around”. I really felt for the girl.

It’s been a crazy day and I’m feeling it. My back and shoulder are broken. My physical therapist is going to kill me because I agreed to do “light duty” for two weeks if she wouldn’t write a note to my Chief telling him to take me off duty for two weeks. I offer up my wrong-doings but she knows the moment she touches me.

Valium and Seroquel are in store for me this evening. I do want to make one thing clear: I’m not complaining about my job- there’s nothing I’d rather do!!! I will risk it all if it means helping even one person.

{March 19, 2013}   Cold Blanket



These photos were taken from inside my front door. It’s twenty-two degrees out and we have eleven inches of snow, it’s still snowing and we’re expecting another five to eight inches throughout the night tonight. So far we’ve skated through with only one car accident this snow storm… but it’s not over yet. One thing that sucks is having to clean my car off every hour in case my pager goes off. I did get to work the car accident with the female police sergeant this morning though 🙂

{March 6, 2013}   It’s Beginning… Again.

I slept for 15 hours last night. Well, I didn’t actually sleep the whole time. Each time I’d wake up I’d shift a little and the pain in my back was unbearable, so I just laid there until I would doze off again. Finally about 14:30 I got up. I wouldn’t have had I not needed to pee. I feel like the world’s biggest bum.


When I finally got up and made my way to another room which you can see through the Windows (my bedroom has blackout drapes) I saw that the big snow storm we’ve been expecting is just getting started. The weather forecasters are saying we will see another foot + of snow from this storm. The last three storms we’ve had have delivered more than a foot of snow each. We’re slowly disappearing under this white blanket and it almost hurts that the Floridians are laughing at us. Fortunately, between storms the temps have been in the upper 30’s to the lower 40’s so we get some snow melt.

Typically these storms bring a load of emergency calls: chimney fires, trees on power lines, car accidents, fall victims and general medical calls. That’s just how it works. Fortunately, I have been able to keep my newest injury (dislocated pinky and deformed hand) a secret from the department by wearing my fire gloves and my nitrile gloves. If anyone got wind of it they’d put me an leave ASAP for liability reasons. Though I may be being a little dishonest by way of omitting information, I can’t be put on leave. Here’s my explanation: the fire and rescue is all that is keeping me together right now. My head is going crazy, it’s full of static and I’m doing crazy things to keep from spiraling completely out of control. When I am on a call or at the station my focus is strictly on the task at hand. Nothing else matters. I am so focused when I’m on a call that I don’t feel the pain in my body. When I worked that snowmobile accident the other day (just hours after dislocating my pinky) I was focused to the point where I didn’t feel my hand, nor do I know at what point it became deformed again. It’s unbelievable. I’ve never had any activity where I’ve been so focused and unselfish before. I love it.

I finally got an appointment with my psychotherapist for tomorrow (depending on the storm). However, orthopedics is overloaded with emergencies thanks to ski season and our abundance of ski mountains, so I have been unable to get in to see them. I was supposed to see them first thing Tuesday morning, but they ended up in surgery with my snowmobile accident victim and they haven’t rescheduled me yet. When I think about it, I’d much rather wait than have someone like that have to wait.

{February 8, 2013}   Pizza and Meetings

After teaching a friend how to properly patch holes in drywall today I had a meeting at the fire department and a work detail (inspecting the apparatus). In the middle of changing the oil in the ambulance we had a fire alarm so it turned into a Nascar pit stop session. Then I came home (freezing from standing outside in the 14 degree weather) and grabbed a pizza pan that had just come out of the oven, successfully burning my ring and pinkie fingers. I didn’t immediately drop the pan because my fingers were temporarily numb from the cold. I can feel them now! Burning and stinging…

I had an okay session with physical therapy yesterday. I’m not looking forward to going through it all again. Tomorrow is supposed to be session number two but we’re also supposed to get 18-24 inches of snow between tonight and Saturday. Oh and 45-50 mph winds. It’s going to be a true nor’ easter.

Welcome to New England!

Chelsea Lately, The L Word and bed for me. We’ll see what tomorrow brings.

{November 7, 2012}   Mother Nature Must Be Mad

Forecast from

We are now under a Winter Advisory here in New England, just a little over a week after we got slammed by hurricane Sandy. At least we know what to do with snow and ice! They’re predicting lots of sleet, freezing rain and snow beginning this afternoon through tomorrow morning.

Many areas of New Jersey, New York and Pennsylvania have mandatory evacuations already in place. Those poor souls, they’re still trying to get back on their feet from the devastation Sandy wreaked on them. They’re in my prayers.

As for us in Northern New England, when they start warning us about freezing rain many of us flashback to the infamous Ice Storm of ’98. I was only nine years old but our area was the hardest hit and I remember it well. We had no electricity for sixteen days and we had a sizable tree land on the roof of our house and the tree limbs went through my third story bedroom window. Our doors got frozen closed so we couldn’t open them so my Dad used a propane torch (at a distance) to melt the ice so we could get out if we had to. When finally we were able to leave the house we found trees down everywhere, including two across our driveway. I remember placing five gallon buckets of snow and ice next to the wood stove so it would melt and we could flush the toilets.

Ice Storm of ’98

This storm isn’t supposed to be nearly as bad as the one in 1998. But it is the first real snowfall of the season for us, so it gains a lot of attention and everyone’s getting excited. The kids are already talking about building snowmen and having Grampa pull them around the yard on their sleds. My brother has been counting down the days until Christmas since July and he’s begun decorating already. I still have pumpkin lights hanging in my front bay window. I’m not quite as ready for fall to turn into winter. I detest the cold temperatures and the ice on the windshield of my truck. I loathe the snow that gets tracked into the house to  leave little puddles of cold water to step in. And the constant wet-dog smell from him rolling in the wet snow. Let’s not neglect to complain about how the cold makes my body ache so much worse than usual.

Personally, winter is the worst time of year for me. The short days, little sunlight and cold seem to drive me deeper into my depression. I leave the house even less than I normally do because the thought of the cold and the snow are enough to deter me from doing anything I’d like to do. I spend hours curled up by the wood stove with my cat reading books. Occasionally I might step outside so I can slam someone in the face with a snowball. Let’s be honest, who doesn’t like to hit people in the face with cold snowballs? When the Holidays roll around I become the Grinch. My house is the largest so everyone convenes here for the celebrations and it gets crowded. Soon every room has people in it and there’s nowhere to go to escape the invasion and the loud chatter. I love my family but I also like my solitude.

Wow, that’s quite the tangent I went into. See what winter does to me?

et cetera