notokinthehead











{November 15, 2013}   Setbacks

natural_heart_healthThis evening while preparing for EMS training at the Fire Station we had an in-house emergency. Unfortunately that emergency was mine. I had what the ER docs explained as a “cardiac event“, however they couldn’t tell me exactly what it was. I had what we call a syncope episode, a loss of consciousness caused by a fall in blood pressure. Basically, I blacked out and hit the floor. My own boys from the firehouse took me to the hospital. They refused to allow our transport company to take me because they insisted on staying with me and taking me themselves. I was in the ER receiving treatment for about three hours before they decided to admit me, which I refused. Lucky for me, my best friend was also in the ER for a minor medical issue and found me when she got discharged. God bless her, she came and sat with me until I was able to get discharged. I put on a tough front, but that meant a lot to me. Tomorrow morning I see a cardiologist and then follow up with my Primary Care Physician.

Now I’m sitting on my bed writing this because I’m not able to sleep. More than likely because of the Nitroglycerin they gave me. All of this comes at a terrible time… I’m stressed to the max already from things going on in my personal life and I’m super busy with work, physical therapy, the pain clinic and kids. I can’t afford a setback right now. In Reba McIntyre’s words, “I guess the world ain’t gonna stop for me broken heart”.

So I’m catching up on my TV shows- Chicago Fire, Grey’s Anatomy, Chelsea Lately and American Horror Story.



{September 21, 2013}   Puppets

puppetSo I have a good friend who’s having a hard time right now. I think it would be safe to say that she’s having a bit of a mental breakdown. I’ve been there for her every day, until I had to have thirty injections in my back and have been legitimately drugged up. All of a sudden I’m the enemy. I’m a liar, I’m selfish and I don’t care about her or what she’s going through. ARGH! Finally last night I had to shut my phone off and avoid all social media. I got to my breaking point, she pushed me over the edge. Then tonight I’m hanging out with a friend and she starts texting my friend telling him how I blew her off and all of a sudden I don’t have any time for her, etc. I don’t have the patience for this crap. I’m in pain.

Being friends with her is like being a puppet on a string. Anybody who is friends with her is her puppet on a string. She says who I can and cannot be friends with, where I can and cannot go and when I’m going to do this and that. Maybe I am being selfish in the way that I’m not going to answer to anyone. I’m my own person and will do and see who I please, whenever I want. I’m single and I have ZERO responsibilities. That’s how I like it.

So tonight I’m struggling with writing her an email explaining that I do love her, she’s like a big sister to me, but I can’t play all these games. I won’t play all of these games. Take me or leave me, but I’m not a puppet on a string and I won’t listen to the b.s. that results from me doing what I want to do.



{September 13, 2013}   Cool, Rainy Nights

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Tonight I cleaned my ass off at a friends house, trying to make it habitable. My reward: a nice, relaxing time in the hot tub with the cool, pouring rain coming down. It worked wonders on my achy back and shoulders. I’m spending the night with a great friend and then just hanging out tomorrow. Time for this girl to take a break from the every day stress 🙂



{May 21, 2012}   ! STRESS ! ANXIETY !

I’m super-stressed out right now. I’m really not sure why. My body is in a giant knot of pain and I want to block everybody out. I’m did get to spend some time with friends last night and today and that was nice. I also got to spend a lot of time in the sun today. But for some reason none of that matters because my stress and anxiety level are so high right now. My pager went off for Fire/Rescue and I about went though the roof because I’m so on edge. It wouldn’t be so bad if I could put my finger on what’s wrong, what’s causing me to feel this way. I guess because then I could fix it. Anxiety should come with an instruction booklet.

I may have to shut the world out for a few days, concentrate only on myself and my job with the Fire/Rescue Dept. That may be a large part of my problem: I get too caught up in other people’s lives and forget about my own.

I need a “me” day.



{April 13, 2012}   Plans: Disrupted.

I had a great day today with my friend. 🙂

Unfortunately, I did something to my knee. It’s the size of a basketball. No lie. I was standing still, I shifted my weight from my left leg to my right leg, resulting in a very audible and painful snapping sound. Man… it hurts.

Another side note… I got my hours cut in half for tomorrow. Seven hours won’t pay to register my truck, even if I were being paid fifteen dollars per hour 😦   So the stress builds a little more and the struggles get a little harder. Hopefully it will all work out. Preferably before the end of this month.

I went out to the bar for karaoke last night (I DON’T sing) and had a lot of fun. I wish guys would stop trying to pick me up, though. I just want to sit back, relax, drink a few beers and enjoy the music. NO, I don’t want to dance with you and NO I WON’T take you home with me. Jeez.



et cetera