“… when the moment is not right, and the timing is quite unusual…” ~Train (Meet Virginia) At 01:00 I found myself grabbing my car keys and sneaking out of the house. In pain, mind racing, I decided it was a good idea to go to Dunkin’ Donuts and grab a coffee: hot French vanilla turbo, extra-extra. I probably didn’t need the turbo, but it adds a nice bitterness that the “extra-extra” takes away from the coffee. Coffee in hand, MP3 player blasting angry rap, I decided to drive around for awhile. I must say, I have pretty impressive rapping skills, for a white girl. Usually a drive at night by myself listening to music will quiet the static in my head. The static being all of the random, stressful thoughts that race through my head at mind boggling speeds. It didn’t work for me tonight (blame it on the turbo?) even though I drove around for a little over two hours. I am so pleased with the gas mileage I get in my new car: 20-25 mpg vs 12-14 mpg in my old truck. I don’t feel so guilty about driving around any more. Some of the thoughts rolling around in my head tonight/this morning: *My first time ever taking minutes at a meeting is Thursday night, and the meeting will be aired on public television. Do I really think I’m capable of this new job? Am I capable to do this new job??? *Why is it that I’m always attracted to women who are married to or involved with a man? And women who are like ten years my senior? *How can I achieve a “normal” sleep pattern? Would it be really fucked up if I took sleeping pills every four to five hours so I can sleep through a day and a night? *What will it take to fix my shoulder and back problems? Am I just always going to be in pain? Can I live out my career as a firefighter/EMT as I so badly want to, or are these issues going to break me? *I’m stuck baby sitting my six year old niece all day Friday, on my birthday, what can I do with her? She’d happily sit inside on the couch all day playing on the tablet. How do you cure a child of the technology epidemic? Especially when it has it’s talons in you, also. I could go on and on, but the speed with which these thoughts zip through my mind makes it hard to keep up, and it’s a bunch of nonsense. If only my insurance wasn’t so fucked up I could get my medications and relax my brain. A little bit of Klonopin goes a long way. “Sometimes you just feel tired, you feel weak. And when you feel weak, you feel like you wanna just give up. But you gotta search within you to try to find that inner strength, and just pull that shit outta you, and get that motivation to not give up, and not be a quitter, no matter how bad you wanna just fall flat on your face and collapse.” ~Eminem (Til I Collapse)


Where's Waldo?

Babe is tired out today. Maybe it has something to do with our eventful early morning?
4:20 am- Babe comes to my bedside with a squeaking, injured mouse to show me her prize. (Little secret about me- I’m scared of small things that move fast, like spiders and mice). Of course, I freaked out, Babe took off and the injured, bleeding mouse got away. I have searched everywhere for this early morning rodent and cannot find it. I wonder where it will turn up? I hope it doesn’t…

et cetera