{September 7, 2015}   Realization

I’m a full-blown alcoholic. We’re talking an eighteen rack for the day and a half bottle of whiskey on the rocks at night. I’ve managed to disappoint and push away everyone I care about. How are you supposed to get sober when you have no support? Why should I care about getting sober when I have no one left to care for me?
I’ve been going through withdrawals today and it’s been rough. Chills, sweating, muscle cramps, vomiting, diarrhea, heart palpitations, feeling faint… I’ve felt like death and had to work on top of it. In a 120°F kitchen. I ended up having to leave early and I had two cocktails to try to take the edge off. I’m still very sick and of course I cannot sleep.
I’m frustrated to tears.

et cetera